Struggling

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Wow…  Two and a half days off and I had over 500 notification emails.  That was insane.  It took almost 4 hours to go through them, and that was deleting a quarter of them without reading the associated post.

I made a post weeks back about needing to limit the number of posts per person per day that I respond to.  I haven’t followed through on it thus far because I don’t want to miss good content, and I want to support the bloggers I’m following.  I *do* actually read, not just flip through posts hitting like.  I know some people do that too.  I see it when I get 10 likes from the same person in two minutes, LOL.  Getting back on track, I think I’m going to have to start following through on that though.

Some of you make a dozen or more posts a day.  As I mentioned that last time, I won’t discourage it.  It’s therapy for some of you.  I understand that.  It’s just alot to keep up with for the average human being.

 

I’ve also realized the last couple of days that my writer’s block and other issues really have their core at my fear of success.  I’ve always hated that label, it’s really a fear of failing after you start to succeed, making the crashing failure that much more traumatic in the person’s imagination.

It’s been REALLY frustrating too.  I’ve thought I’ve at least started to work past this garbage a few times in the past.  It keeps rearing its ugly head every time I start to get something good going.  Self doubt is the worst.

It’s amazing how many ways it’ll find to mess with me also.  Erotica is immoral and I should be writing something different.  Nobody takes superheroes seriously.  You can’t write anything else.  You don’t have the money for professional editing and cover design.  You can’t do show don’t tell worth a damned.  You’ve failed at everything else you’ve done and now you’re just broken down, stuck at home and fooling yourself…

Yeah…  I’ve got some work to do, heh.  The crazy(?) thing is the only real, lasting fix is success.  Years ago, I read practically everything out there on self improvement.  Need an answer to a personal problem, I likely know the theoretical answer.  For example, I know that in NLP or hypnosis, the common answer to my specific issue would be to anchor a point in the person’s past where they did feel successful and powerful.  Then they focus on that state and moment, making it easier to move forward.  Everything I’ve tried in life, I’ve either been mediocre at best at, or had the rug pulled out from me and been sabotaged.  I have no happy thought so the pixie dust will let me fly.  :

So… yeah.  I’ve got an uphill fight ahead…

30 thoughts on “Struggling”

  1. I understand you. It’s difficult keeping up with everyone’s posts, and as you said that whole liking of 10 posts in a row is hilarious to me. It’s like, yes I get it you’re on my blog- read one post and comment if you want but don’t flood me with empty likes, dude…I know you’re not reading!

    I would say one way to not drown in posts you feel you HAVE to read is to make a point (maybe not always but on your busiest days) to read, like and respond and comment to those who are doing the same for you. You’ll find you are following people who never read you and/or never comment and yet you’re compelled to do so for them. If you pick carefully those who extend the same courtesy to you, blogging life will become less stressful.

    About your success, I always believe that putting ourselves down and repeating what others have said to us and about us negatively is EASY. Believing you’ll succeed regardless of those intrusive thoughts is the difficult part. But there is always a right time for success and all the shittiness we go through on the way towards that success is STILL the pathway to it, we just can’t see the end of that path yet. But if you embrace all the crap that comes your way and the setbacks and anything else you’ll see that it is ALL driving you towards your goal and 2000 self improvement books won’t help you do that. But belief that you are on the right path WILL get you there.

    Hope that made sense
    X

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  3. I have to make decisions about what posts to ready along with which ones move me to comment. There is only so much time, and I try to manage all of this. However, the more sites that I follow brings the same challenge that you have addressed. I tend to post about every two days so I hope this helps others who are following my writing without feeling overloaded.

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    • I’m sure it does help. I know it does with me. 🙂 I’m doing alot of thinking out loud lately while trying to build an audience also, so I’ve been posting more than once a day when I post. Overall, I agree less is more. There are people that this really is therapeutic for though, so I don’t want to discourage them from writing.

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  5. Hang in there, kiddo! Just writing this and getting it out was probably great therapy. Heck, that’s the reason I started writing like crazy a few years ago because I realized I felt better afterward. You’ve got this… I’m with you on the “way too many posts” in one day. I guess some folks don’t work or have any other hobbies. Or, this is what they do… I don’t know! All the best!

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  6. Hiya Silk Cords. I face the same problem, and, being blind, etc. it is really starting to get to me. I have been thinking about it too.

    There are people with whom I have formed a friendship whose posts I don’t want to ignore. There are people whose posts are always so brilliant that I don’t want to miss them. There are people whose lives are just shit – illness etc. Bereavement too. ALL of those people, I want to respond to. But it is getting to me as my own physical pain and illness increases. There are those who have supported me and I don’t want to leave them out.

    I try to look every day, often three or four times a day to see who gas posted and try to go to their posting. But my eyes hurt and go even more blurry than they are.

    I then give up in despair.

    So no, I don’t manage to get around as much as I want to.

    I came to your pist today be ause I saw the word Struggling, and wanted to see what is cahsing you difficulty. You cared about me, and I cared about you in return. I care about those who are struggling.

    Why don’t you just read one or two posts of the people who post a lot, rather than reading the whole lot?

    I dont know if that would work or not.

    But as for the other stuff – yeah I know it all too well. Listen to your geart and KNOW that you are GREAT and that you. aN succeed. I’ll be here to suppirt for as longas I can.

    Hey, you’re GREAT! ❤️❤️❤️

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    • Thanks *hug*

      You’re the person I worry about not being there for the most. You post a ton, but it’s all well written and most of it is short little poems. I understand that it’s an important coping mechanism for you also. I don’t want to let yah down if you’re having a bad day and need an extra friend. I may not always have alot to say, but I try to leave likes to let you know I read, 🙂

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      • Thanks. I just saw thie reply. Don’t worry about me one bit. It’s only a coping mechanism in that I have long hours stretching in front of me each day, and my disabilities being so many and gross, writing is all that I can still do. I cant watch telly or play cds cos no one to put telly on or cds in for me. Hubby is busy enough doing other things. I have always been a writer, and it kind of spills out of me. I get lots of deep thoughts and so then write them. Please please don’t worry about me. You’re just GREAT, and you worry about yourself. Get your Blog going real well – it is doing real good. Please please don’t worry about me. Right? Lol ❤️

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  7. The other thing that I wanted to say to you is that however much things have gone wrong in the past, and the rug pulled from under your feet, you have a GREAT DEAL of insight into human nature and psychology. And many ppl don’t. So that is something brilliant that you have to offer.

    The other thing that some ppl do is to go to a few sites each day – different ones each day, if you see what I mean and kind of rotate it. Does that grab you at all?

    As for me, dunno what I am going to do lol, as going anywhere at the moment is almost too hard for me.

    I don’t know you in person Silk Cords, as in being able to see you in person, but you strike me as a lively person.

    Please keep writing! Write whatever. Whatever you want to write. All is valid.

    I know I make a lot of posts each day. But making up poems keeps me from going insane. I also like to think that something in my poems might help or inspire someone else.

    I don’t tend to write for therapy although I guess all writing is therapeutic in some way really.

    Hang in there Silk Cords. I like to see you around xx

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    • Yep, all writing is therapeutic, especially if it keeps you from going insane, hehe.

      I suppose if I was more awake, I could come up with a silly, nonsensical answer about things you could do besides writing, but I’m sleep now, lol.

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      • Hey, and listen, you don’t HAVE to read me except if something catches your eye and you really really want to. I won’t be upset or take offence or anything. Yes I post a lot. But I don’t expect everyone to read every one of my posts. That would be too much for ANYONE. I guess some of it is that when I am not around any more, at least my poetry will still be around for ppl to read. I don’t know how much longer I will be able to post for. It could be months or tears. But it is finite. Lots and lots of live and hugs to you xoxo

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  11. Sometimes it’s really hard to keep up with it all. It’s why I unfortunately don’t comment enough. If you’re too stressed about all the replies you have (500? whoa) then you might have trouble relaxing and letting the words flow…

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  12. I sometimes don’t come into my WordPress Reader but once per week or even longer. I follow some people who post the most random stuff, multiple times a day and have no response to it because I don’t know what to say. I do try to comment where I can. Like this post, I feel the struggle too. I published my debut novel a year ago this week, and since then, trying to get into a new project has been hard. I talked about this in my recent post, but I allowed the negative comments to out weigh the positive ones, and it crippled me. I’m slowing starting to stand on my own two feet. While it’s nice to know we aren’t alone, I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. I hope you’re able to find some solid ground soon. ❤

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