What a Train Wreck! AKA WordPress Strikes Again

Ok, so I paid my fees of $22 USD to maintain the blog’s old name, but really wasn’t willing to drop almost $100 to keep the premium status on the blog. Eliminating the ads would be nice, but the price is insane!

Anyway, for a week I was fine. WP unlocked the blog again and I could function. I come back late last night and find out it’s ALL been derailed. SilkCords.blog is now silkserotica.wordpress.com and ALL my site formatting is completely lost. The place is set up like some Yoga site now.

Yes, I’m pissed.

It took me going into the ‘Manage Domains’ tab to find out WP was happy to take my money, BUT won’t let the PAID FOR domain name be the actual primary domain unless I pay for a premium plan. Of course they didn’t mention this while holding this blog hostage for a week before I paid the $22 for the domain name. Then, on top of everything else, WP trashes the blog’s format completely?!?

At this point, WP can kiss my arse. They won’t get another dime out of me.

I’ve been working hard on background notes and story outlines to try to avoid getting derailed again, and was getting set to post a few character renders, and now I have to spend half the night trying to fix the blog’s formatting.

Between the world’s crappiest editor / post formatter and customer service like this, is it any wonder so many bloggers are up in arms? This is what happens when you allow a company to get too big a share of the market. Just like Amazon and MicroSoft, WordPress doesn’t give a damned about individual customers.

Regrouping

I decided to nix my post on how various sources out there are manipulating the messages we receive via TV, the internet, etc…  I got a couple of likes, one intelligent comment and a whole lot of looks but nothing else.  Between that last fact and losing one follower after I published…  Well, message received.

I get it a little.  I re-read it and was frustrated that I rambled a bit and drifted between a couple of supporting points or arguments.  To do it right would require an entire series articles on the general patterns of manipulation that are used to play communication games.  Here, I’d have to leave political and social references out too.  People just don’t want to hear that the environmental movement is a great thing, BUT that they’re hurting their own cause with distorted facts.  They’re hardly the only cause like that too. News lies are always only the other side too…  *le sigh*

Soooo…  Getting back to the regrouping part…  Not only have I decided to set that stuff aside, I have been working on Witchfire’s material also.  Mainly re-reading and seeing where I’ve gone wrong, mapping the new story, discussing plot ideas and character developments with Deanna Troi and Comixfana, etc…

I’m realizing how dialog tag heavy the stories are thus far as one needed fix.  Probably some of my other erotica could use that fix also.

Deanna Troi has been insistent that I’ve been too vague in my revelations about the greater evil lurking behind the villains, so I’m working on how to change that without giving away the whole farm in chapter one. 🙂

I think I’ve been a bit inconsistent with my portrayal of Krystal / Witchfire also.  Sometimes she acts the part of a vixen, sometimes she’s come across as if she was 15 and unsure of herself and what she wants.  I think I would have gotten called on that more if so much of her behavior couldn’t be explained away by her world being turned upside down.

There will probably be a few minor “RetCon”s also as I change a few small facts here and there to fit how she’s currently envisioned and the new direction the stories will take.

The biggest lesson I’ve learn though is to follow the rules for writing about sitting down, focusing and working without distractions.  No pressure to meet artificial deadlines either.  Relax, focus, get it done and get it done right.  When it’s quality, then I’ll release it.  Stress kills my creativity faster than anything.

Lastly, just as Witchfire is going to start being truer to herself, I’m going to be doing the same.  Her stories were meant to be kinky, and it’s time I stopped worrying about if I might offend somebody.

THAT said, I will still keep ALL my stories and any related digital art off my main page.  I *do* respect that a few of you come here for the other posts, and that others just may not want to worry about a NSFW email notification.  That much is courtesy to readers and as much of an attempt as I can make within the bounds of WP’s system to keep within laws regarding risque material.

Update…

I’m trying to play catch up with real life and get myself back on something resembling a normal sleep schedule after that all night ordeal with the thief camped out across the street and no police response.  I still plan on a couple of posts later tonight though.  I guess it’s true what they say about writing; it’s something that’s just stuck in your blood. The writing bug is hitting me hard again at any rate.  I have ideas for that Witchfire revamp that I’ve mentioned a few times and dozens of other stories floating around in my head.

Interestingly enough, my “Burnt Out” post has gotten the most likes of anything I’ve written in ages, and is still getting more views than anything before or after it.  Maybe there’s an audience for a sane middle ground voice after all.  I’m still a bit doubtful an aspiring erotica author is that flag bearer though.

Beyond what I plan to put in my other posts tonight, there’s not much going on though.  We’re redoubling our efforts to get the house ready to list so we can get the hell out of this insane state.

200!

Yep, despite my off and on posting, and wandering all over the place topics wise…

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Miracles happen, LOL.

I’m grateful for everyone that has decided to follow me also.  Thank you all. 🙂

Related to all of this, I have been reflecting on the blog and my writing since getting back from Hawai’i.  Aside from the lessons I’ve mentioned in past posts, I’ve realized that I need to get my life better organized.  I also need to re-focus on my actual writing instead of dancing around it like I have been the last few months.

Being in Hawai’i and having life on hold for a week, and then coming home, I realized just how spread thin I’ve felt (hell, actually been).  Worse, it’s led to a sort of analysis paralysis.  Trying to juggle priorities and adapt to a steady stream of changes has resulted in me just outright shutting down at times.  That, of course, only makes things worse, because it allows things to backlog even further.  If I’m going to regain control of my life and work on my writing, the pattern needs to change.

Dancing around my writing…  That, I believe, is a combination of time issues and some lingering doubts about writing erotica.  Instead of actually doing writing, I’m writing about everything else.

Granted, I also don’t want to blog work that I can potentially publish and sell.  I can write about writing rules, philosophy and strategy as well as come up with stories that are “Fan Fiction” or such and therefore can’t be published for profit without a licensing agreement.  Nothing wrong with other material also, so long as it’s not the bulk of my writing here.  It’s all about balance.  A writing blog has to be about writing though.

 

Realizations on Writing

I teased this a couple of posts ago, and I suppose its time to pay it off.  I’m not getting any sleep tonight either with a pack of teenage hooligans roaming the neighborhood on foot for since 1:30am

So long story short, I’ve spent my down time trying to figure out why I was feeling so frustrated, (and thus burnt out) with my writing before my long break.  I came to a couple of conclusions:  I wasn’t writing for me, I was overly concerned about offending people, and I’m still trying to find my exact niche on writing.

The not writing for me thing is ironic, since during my time on twitter, I was constantly encouraging people and telling them that if THEY don’t enjoy what they’re writing, it will show through in their writing and it won’t be their best work.  I’ve studied public speaking and communication, and let myself get too wrapped up in the admonitions to tailor your communication to your audience.  That’s fine if you have a specific audience you’re reaching out to.  When you’re trying to write something that will appeal to wider demographics though, you have to set those admonitions aside to a degree and be true to yourself.  Otherwise your writing or words won’t be genuine.  People pick up on that too, at least on a subconscious level.

Twitter was a horrible experience for me in terms of creating that worry about offending people.  Despite all the talk about how great the writing community is, I saw alot of clique behavior.  Erotica authors aren’t real writers.  If you do this in your erotica (such as mentioning bra sizes), you’re a crappy writer and I won’t read you, etc…

The main gaggle of female erotica authors would even ghost you if you didn’t support their beliefs that women shouldn’t be held to any conduct, dress, etc… standards and similar extreme SJW ideas.  heaven help you if you supported a male erotica author also.  Kind of sad really.

I could (and maybe will do) a whole separate post on my thoughts there.  It does impact my writing after all.  LONG story short however, suffice it to say I do believe in women’s sexual empowerment, but I also believe in common sense limits on everything.  Wear a short, tight dress and flaunt what you’ve got for example.  Just don’t get mad if you’re dressing sexy and guys (or other women) flirt with you or check you out.  You have EVERY right to be completely safe dressed like that.  No should always mean no as well.  How you dress does nothing to change that.  Getting bitchy when you get harmless attention when you’re dressing to get attention is immature at best though.

As much as I love sex and sensuality, I also believe some things belong behind closed doors.  That’s another thing that seems to set me apart at least from some of the younger erotica authors.  I’m libertarian enough to believe anything kinky you want to do behind closed doors is fine.  Common decency and general self respect dictate some things should stay private, not flaunted in public though.  Bottom line, I’ve learned to stop caring what the twitter crowd thinks.  Shame since Twitter could be a good marketing tool.

Then there’s the whole finding my niche thing.  My Witchfire stories have been an attempt to see if I could combine superheroes and erotica in a real way.  The trouble with that specific genre is that the internet is loaded with sites catering to pubescent boys and outright misogynists, that glorify raping superheroines and “putting them in their place”.   They completely dehumanize woman, and mock strong, capable women.  That’s the last thing I want to contribute to.

At the same time, you have women fighting the worst elements of humanity in these stories, so there’s a question realism with never having it happen.  My original thinking was to keep it rare, not glorify it, and also have the heroine(s) escape / turn the tables, or at least get back at their attackers later.  Avoiding it entirely would be easy if I was only writing a sexy story.  I have been trying to spin a real, ongoing story between the sex scenes though.  Intrigue, personality conflicts, human problems, etc…

Part of the problem with Witchfire was that I was rushing the content also.  I think it made the story chapters far more sloppy than they should have been, and took a few aspects of the stories in directions I didn’t intend to go also.  If I pick up work there again, I’m likely to start over from scratch and treat the existing content thus far as rough drafts.

I admit, I’ve also felt dirty at times writing erotica.  My sexy, passionate side is balanced by a fairly strong religious and spiritual side as well.  To thine own self be true however.  I can’t pretend the sexy side doesn’t exist.  I have a real talent for smut also, lol.  I know ultimately I’d like to evolve into more of a mainstream fiction writer who includes some very racy scenes.  Yes, the unicorn known as porn with a plot for you cynical people, LOL.  Getting there means accepting all of me though, and seeing what that allows me to grow into.

And there you have it.  My continuing path to self-realization thus far as a would be author.

Struggling

Wow…  Two and a half days off and I had over 500 notification emails.  That was insane.  It took almost 4 hours to go through them, and that was deleting a quarter of them without reading the associated post.

I made a post weeks back about needing to limit the number of posts per person per day that I respond to.  I haven’t followed through on it thus far because I don’t want to miss good content, and I want to support the bloggers I’m following.  I *do* actually read, not just flip through posts hitting like.  I know some people do that too.  I see it when I get 10 likes from the same person in two minutes, LOL.  Getting back on track, I think I’m going to have to start following through on that though.

Some of you make a dozen or more posts a day.  As I mentioned that last time, I won’t discourage it.  It’s therapy for some of you.  I understand that.  It’s just alot to keep up with for the average human being.

 

I’ve also realized the last couple of days that my writer’s block and other issues really have their core at my fear of success.  I’ve always hated that label, it’s really a fear of failing after you start to succeed, making the crashing failure that much more traumatic in the person’s imagination.

It’s been REALLY frustrating too.  I’ve thought I’ve at least started to work past this garbage a few times in the past.  It keeps rearing its ugly head every time I start to get something good going.  Self doubt is the worst.

It’s amazing how many ways it’ll find to mess with me also.  Erotica is immoral and I should be writing something different.  Nobody takes superheroes seriously.  You can’t write anything else.  You don’t have the money for professional editing and cover design.  You can’t do show don’t tell worth a damned.  You’ve failed at everything else you’ve done and now you’re just broken down, stuck at home and fooling yourself…

Yeah…  I’ve got some work to do, heh.  The crazy(?) thing is the only real, lasting fix is success.  Years ago, I read practically everything out there on self improvement.  Need an answer to a personal problem, I likely know the theoretical answer.  For example, I know that in NLP or hypnosis, the common answer to my specific issue would be to anchor a point in the person’s past where they did feel successful and powerful.  Then they focus on that state and moment, making it easier to move forward.  Everything I’ve tried in life, I’ve either been mediocre at best at, or had the rug pulled out from me and been sabotaged.  I have no happy thought so the pixie dust will let me fly.  :

So… yeah.  I’ve got an uphill fight ahead…

Unplanned Break Over

Back among  the living yet again. 🙂   MOST of my absence was just that my schedule got crazy all of the sudden.

I did find myself having to work through a few old issues from popping back into Champions Online.  I’ve talked a little bit about my past gaming experiences.  Long story short when you play online games in-character with others, it’s alot like collaborating on writing a book with several other people, or having a whole improv troop on stage all trying to do their own thing at the same time.  At best, it can get dramatic.

The trouble is, MMO games tend to attract people with low self esteem and other psychological issues.  LONG LONG story, they can get hurtful and manipulative when they don’t get their way (putting it kindly).  Last time I was playing, I got caught in a shitstorm of that drama also.  The thing is, decent people tend to wonder what they could have done different & how they added to a problem.

So, I did reach out and try to talk to a couple of former acquaintances there.  It went about as well as expected, LOL.  It was good though, because it helped weep away any doubt in my mind that these people are indeed toxic.  I got some closure.

 

So, I’m back.  I still have a bit of a crazy schedule for the immediate future, so I’m not sure how much I’ll have to post each day, but I’ll do my best.  As for all the notifications I’ve gotten the last few days.  Well 354 in the last two days is just too much to deal with.  I had to just delete them.  I’ll keep up with new ones as best I can.

Crush ‘Em

Well, 4pm local time has rolled around, and the blog’s daily stats have reset.  Odd time for it, and the spiritual blog resets at a different time.  I *think* it’s the hour your blog first goes live that determines it’s reset.

Anyway…  I did NOT break that viewing record yesterday, BUT we crashed both the daily views and likes today:

148 views today.  Previous best was 118

94 likes today.  Previous best was 68

I tied my best day for unique visitors at 69

Oh, and I passed the 1000 likes mark today also.    *happy dance*

Crush Em

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