Yes, I’m back. Real life had gotten kind of hectic. Some of that is detailed in the other, vanilla blog. That specific link will take you to my most recent post there, where I complain about feeling I can’t be myself or say what I want as a blogger. Read it if you want, if Not I understand. Be forewarned though; it is a classic redhead rant, lol.
What I’d like to dialog here about though is a calmer continuation of that whole mess as relates to sexy blogging. I have two main stumbling blocks when it comes to posting here or getting anything “adult” written.
First, as I mentioned in the other blog, there’s the worry of being judged and labeled. Doesn’t matter who you are, if you deal with erotica and similar topics, you’re either a whore or a male pig. You’d think being a redhead, I wouldn’t give a F what others think, BUT like most stereotypes, that’s all it really is. I have a fairly strong spiritual side and am an honest to goodness empath too. That last part in particular makes it hard to tune out the crap sometimes.
Second is a problem even “regular” writers face; I have to REALLY be inspired to write. In the case of erotica, that’s in the mood and able to visualize the scene almost enough that I could almost see it as I’m writing.
That second part is the bigger stumbling block by far. Those of you out there who actually find the creativity to turn out high quality stuff regularly, I’m truly jealous of.
So who has any advice? How do you turn off the worry and find inspiration? I’ve had several ideas for ages, I just haven’t been able to get them off the ground.
This one is going to get a bit new-agey, so just hang in there. I promise it’ll be interesting regardless. First, let’s start with a little honesty, both with myself and you all:
Yes, life has been a seemingly never ending series of small train wrecks the last few years (and before that, lol), BUT, even as frustrating as multiple moves, dogs barking and stampeding, etc… have been… The real reason I’ve done so little here is self-doubt. My sexual past is… complicated also.
Anything sexual is both complicated and draining for an Empath also. Even just creative writing about it tends to pull on or out a great deal of emotional energy. That MAY be something for another post however. It would take time to discuss properly.
LONG story short, I’ve spent a great deal of time the last few weeks reflecting on whether or not writing, erotica in particular, was something that I was truly ready to pursue… or if maybe I should focus on more mundane pursuits. Not coming to any real conclusions on my own, I turned to the tarot card reading software I have to see if I could get a little insight.
As a Side Note, I know what a few of you MAY be thinking; “Get a reading from a piece of software?!?” Well, I actually DO have a real deck, but I’m still learning to read it. More importantly, whether you’re using physical cards or software, it’s just your subconscious mind / higher self trying to communicate with you. With the software, you pick the cards, the software places them, and tell you their base meaning, and how being inverted and or it’s position with other cards effects it’s meaning. Once the cards are all read, the software leaves you to interpret how it all comes together to answer your question. Again, because it’s all really about getting an answer from your subconscious, it’s been surprisingly accurate for me every time I’ve used it.
With that clarification, I’m going to post the “reading” I did on becoming an author:
Summary (Career Reading)
QUESTION: How Successful Will I Be as a Writer?
First card: The first card describes the past. It can also signify past factors such as study or work experience.
(1) YOU GOT: The World. This card is about joy of the senses, the cosmic origin of life, love and happiness. This card is well-dignified (100%), this means that its neighbor cards strengthen it. Meanings: Well-dignified it signifies success, a favorable issue to the circumstances. Sometimes change of place.
Second card: The second card describes the present situation. It’s the current state of the subject’s career.
(2) YOU GOT: Five of Staves. This card is about persuasion, hot speech, demonstration of love or desire and egotism. Meanings: Power, and pleasure in exercising it; adventure, speculation, and uncertainty; strong attachments. This card is well-dignified (100%), this means: Boldness, command, generosity.
Third card: The third card describes the positives, the ‘pros’.
(3) YOU GOT: Knight of Swords. This card is about a military man, painful memories, distress in the family and war. Meanings: A youngish man, with some talent for governing, rather materialistic, though with some artistic appreciation, active, clever, fond of travel, dexterous, and skillful in management. This card is well-dignified (100%), this means: Favorable to the enterprises of the Querent.
Fourth card: The fourth card describes the negatives, the ‘cons’.
(4) YOU GOT: Seven of Cups. This card is about thoughts, ideas, intelligence, plans and imagination. This card is well-dignified (100%), this means that its neighbor cards strengthen it. Meanings: Possible victory, but the person to whom the card applies may be too indolent to take advantage of his opportunities for commanding circumstance; success may be gained, but not followed up; necessity for choosing the highest possible objectives.
Fifth card: The fifth card describes the influence of colleagues, management and others with whom the subject has professional dealings.
(5) YOU GOT: The Lovers. This card is about sensuality and human love. This card is well-dignified (100%), this means that its neighbor cards strengthen it. Meanings: Attraction, beauty, love, sympathy. Balance of forces, and reciprocal activity. Particularly, agreement in things of the mind, symbolized by the six-pointed star, or hexagram. It is a card of harmony between the inner and outer life.
Sixth card: The sixth card describes the best path to take in order to further the subject’s best interest in the matter.
(6) YOU GOT: Nine of Swords. This card is about dogmatism, ritual, ecclesiastic spirit and hard judgment. This card is well-dignified (100%), this means that its neighbor cards strengthen it. Meanings: Faithfulness, obedience, unselfishness, patience; fortunate news about legal affairs or partnerships, especially if the outcome has been delayed or in doubt; aid or gain through relatives, short journeys, or writings, but not until the Querent has passed through a period of more or less uncertainty and worry; ultimate good fortune resulting from a series of events which present unfavorable appearances at first.
Seventh card: The seventh card describes the outcome. It indicates the final result if the path shown is followed.
(7) YOU GOT: Two of Swords. This card is about magnetic attraction, intimacy, affection and sensuality. This card is well-dignified (100%), this means that its neighbor cards strengthen it. Meanings: Contradictory characters in the same nature: strength through suffering; pleasure after pain. Delay in the realization of objectives. It intimates a period of uncertainty, in which the Querent, through he has a sense of adequate power, does not know just what to do with it. Justice, unselfishness, and the restoration of peace.
MY (Short) Take On It:
The first card; The World meant that my past work, while needing improvement, is better than I’ve given myself credit for, and is an indication that I have ability. The second card; 5 of Staves, is along the same lines. It means I’ve got the ability and need to put it to use. The third card; Knight of Swords, means I have the organizational skills to handle the choice. The fourth card; Seven of Cups, means I’ll have to be dedicated to the work and improving my craft if I want to succeed. The fifth card; The Lovers, I’m *guessing* means I’ll have some support in the effort. As for the sixth card; The 9 of Swords, it means the best path is hard work, serious effort at growth, and releasing the self doubt. The seventh card; the 2 of Swords (interesting that so many of the minor arcana cards were Swords… means it’ll be a struggle at first, but if I keep at it, I’ll be successful.
All in all, I’d say it was a very positive reading.
A few hints in the above reading indicated that erotica was indeed in the cards for me, (pun always intended, lol). None the less, I did separate readings on both of those with similar results. The main difference being that the readings indicated that they would both be tools to help me find increased peace with that part of my nature. They’d both be growth tools in their own unique ways.
Wrapping it Up:
I’ve overcome a great deal the last few months. I even got my neck and back returned to a (somewhat) functional state and am continuing to work hard there. I can and will make this work too. It’s long past time I let go of the self doubts. I plan to be a great deal more active here as part of all of that.
Yes, I still like my vague titles, lol. Keeps people curious. This is also a repost from my PG rated “main” blog but it lets folks know where I’ve been. All the embedded links go back to posts at the other blog also.
OK, so I had hoped to be back here (and at my other blog) writing again sooner, but things have been busy. There’s alot of little chores with a house this old and a fairly sizable yard. We’re also still sorting and tossing things in an effort to trim back and simplify.
On top of that, I’ve been working HARD at one of my New Year’s resolutions… You know, that one that EVERYBODY makes:
I’m Going to Get In Shape!!!
THIS has been my torture device of choice:
It’s a rowing machine with water based resistance. LONG story short, we decided months back that when we moved we were going to get one more exercise machine to go with our stationary bike. I thought long and hard about it, and pushed for a rowing machine because it works so many muscle groups at once.
It also works your back and shoulders. I even feel it in my forearms. Rowing around on a lake (in an inflatable boat) was how I first got in shape in my younger days, and it’s a habit I still enjoy, so this was a natural choice to me.
I still have yet to get a certain lazy spouse on it however. >_<
For those of you who have been slacking on your fitness… Let me tell yah; you don’t realize how badly you can go downhill before you truly feel it. I knew I was out of shape thanks to my back and neck keeping me sedentary for 8 or so years. I walked, I did things around the house, so I assumed I wasn’t THAT bad off.
The first time I got on the rower, I could only do fifty reps. NOT good, since the rower pretty much provides the same moderate level of resistance as real rowing.
I’ve busted my butt however, and am determined to NEVER go back to that condition I was in before decompression therapy. In roughly three weeks, I’ve gone from 50 reps to 1000 yesterday. Some of my improvement was probably just the exercise working fatigue poisons and other toxins out of my system. I know I’m feeling mentally and physically better, even if pushing hard leaves me wiped out afterwards.
I’ve also lost 10 pounds, and I am determined to keep that up also.
The Best Diet Advice I Ever Got:
Was something so simple that most people wouldn’t believe it works; just SLOW DOWN and enjoy your food. Take your time, thoroughly chew it, actually make conversation with people while you eat, etc… The ideas being that first, it takes 15 minutes for your stomach to tell your brain it’s had enough, no matter how much food you scarf down. So yes, closely related to that, it’s also better for your digestive system.
The hidden benefit to it though is that you AND your body will quickly figure out what’s truly good food. I was skeptical on this one and actually tested the idea on a McDonald’s Egg McMuffin one day. I used to love the things. Slowing down and chewing it though… truly giving myself time to sample the flavors… The sausage is REALLY disgusting, and the muffin and cheese aren’t much better.
Some of you may have had similar experiences with other foods. Little Ceasar’s pizza for example; it actually tastes good if it’s hot and you don’t truly take your time. Let it cool off even a little though… Yuck! Even if you eat it quickly.
If you want to read more about the whole concept, there’s a book called “The Slow Down Diet” that goes into more details, but I’ve given you most of the highlights here.
Make just that one simple change in your eating routine and see how much changes in your life.
The Ongoing Neck and Back War:
Speaking of the neck and back… Moving REALLY took a toll on both of them, given how rushed everything was. My worthless ProNex therapy tool broke on me also:
The damned thing tore in half at the narrow center section of the top piece, just from normal use. Talk about cheap! I mean I knew it was foam rubber, but still…
Pronex doesn’t stand by their products either, even if brand new. Needless to say, I’m changing my review to zero stars, wouldn’t recommend. After some meticulous research, I came across an alternative:
Only $50 more than the Pronex, but it’s solid construction, not low grade foam rubber.
It worked so well that we bought the lower back unit made by ComfortTrac also:
With my bad back and the auto accident my other half suffered in the Subaru, this unit has been a godsend for both of us. Chiropractic treatment never did anything long term for my back, but this is helping tremendously.
Neither unit is QUITE as good as full blown professional decompression treatment, BUT with common sense and regular use, they come VERY VERY close, for a good deal less. My previous decompression treatments ran almost $4000, and the moving undid a large portion of that. These two units had a combined cost of roughly $1000 on Amazon. That’s still ALOT of money, but we’re both benefiting from them, and it’s cheaper than professional treatment, and FAR FAR cheaper than surgery.
If there’s enough interest, I’ll do a more in-depth review on both. For now, suffice it to say they’re a large part of why I’ve been able to push myself so hard, and will help guarantee I never go back to that broken down state EVER again.
Well, I finally got it out and started shooting also. The weather has provided limited opportunities there, but I finally got out the other day and shot a few flights. This was at about 30 feet of distance BTW. Not too impressive. My first volley was a bit of a mess also, LOL:
I hit the target with all 3 arrows though! I consider that fairly good since it was the first time I’d shot a bow since 1987 or 88. There was no nock point (a little piece of brass wrapped around the string) on the bow string, no sights, and the tab (finger guard) I was using on my drawing hand was incredibly sloppy.
I have to replace it with a shooting glove for sure.
BUT, I shot bare bow for the first time in 33 years and out of 50 arrows at between 30 and 35 feet, I only missed the target 3 times. By the last flight of arrows, my accuracy had improved too:
I even put one nearly dead center!
Funny… I was worried that a 40 pound draw weight on the bow might be a hair too much. It’s actually proving to be just about right for me, and is giving my arms a little extra workout also.
I’ve forgotten some of the technique I was taught back in college, but it’s amazing how I could pick up on what I was physically doing wrong with my shots; primarily being too tense, and sometimes not just simply releasing the bow string.
For those who have never shot a bow, the ideal release technique is to just simply let the fingers holding the bow string go limp. It prevents an accidental jerk of the string sideways, which will make your shot go wide. That can happen if you try to force your hand to release the string, or outright jerk your hand away.
ANYWAY… I need some practice for sure, but it wasn’t bad for a first outing.
I’ve also taken a few preliminary steps towards brushing up on my Kenpo and Wing Chun. That’s a story for another time however.
Five MAVO Points to anyone who can tell me what that last picture is though… WITHOUT an internet search.
Still tired and still hitting the blogs later than I’d like to, BUT the followers here deserve a little something for hanging in there this long. 🙂
So, what I have today is a little piece of wisdom for writers. What I learned while I was away, but still rerunning my latest drafts in my head, was that my complete writer’s block almost always comes from not liking the direction the story is going.
It’s my subconscious telling me to stop, look it over, and rethink (rework) what’s happening in the story.
Thinking back though, every time I’ve hit a case of writer’s block that’s just seemed absolutely insurmountable, that’s been the case. My subconscious simply wasn’t happy with the quality or direction of my work.
I’m writing about it because that MAY be true for some of you also. Once you realize what the problem is, you can develop a plan top work around it.
Ironically, while working on this post, I came across this YouTube video that largely confirmed my intuition:
The video is only a little over 4 minutes long, but if you don’t want to watch it, here’s the synopsis:
Writer’s block is caused by a need to be perfect (or at least really good), and the cure is to give yourself permission to write garbage, and then let it work itself out in the editing and rewrite phase of your work.
If you’re too OCD as a writer to do that, at least stop, take a step back and ask yourself what’s NOT working with the project. Then STOP and listen to the answer from that little voice in the back of your head. From there, you can figure out what changes to make.
Well, it’s been a heck of a few months, but I’m finally back.
We manged to escape the apartment, move 140 miles and (after several battles about the amount of junk we have) are mostly settled into a new place. I even survived both a second degree burn all over my left hand AND Christmas as well.
At this point, I should finally be able to start giving this blog, and my follows / notifications here the attention they deserve. It IS going to take a while to play catch up on it all however.
NO, not THAT kind, but it got your attention, didn’t it? 😁 I’m trying to keep my sense of humor despite all the nonsense and drama.
Anyhoo, yes I *am* still alive. It is LONG past due I checked in here also. Where’s the frustration, you ask? Primarily from the ongoing drama with our upstairs neighbors. It’s about a month and a half now with no end to the running the dogs back and forth around the apartment at all hours. The racket went on till 5am yesterday. It stopped about 12:30am today, so far (night’s not over after all).
No end to the noise, but we have made enough “noise” of our own that we’ve been given permission to break our lease, and we fully intend to do so. I also fully expect they’ll be ungodly noisy up to the day we’re gone, and beyond.
Enough said there however. I’ve ranted about it all enough lately in the other blog.
There’s more to it all though; a general frustration with life, lack of progress, and a strong dissatisfaction with my writing, and blogs.
Life, general frustrations and lack of progress could turn into a long one, so I’ll save that for another post… perhaps. Writing however…
Let’s start with the blogs. LOTS of frustration there. I work my butt off to network, publish content, etc… While it’s gotten me over 600 followers on the “safe” blog, less that 20 of them are real, active followers who ever read what I publish. It’s frustrating given some of the blogs out there I *do* see getting attention. The networking not paying off is possibly the worst part.
I sort through THOUSANDS of email notifications a month:
Post notifications I legitimately read, like, post replies to… Almost nothing to show for it also. Some changes need to be made there. I spend more time chasing emails than I do posting.
THIS blog, on the other hand; a completely different set of problems. Here, I’m actually grateful I’ve got the followers I do. Non-stop real life drama has kept me from doing anything meaningful with my erotica work and I still have 38 followers. Most everyone seems to read posts here sooner or later also.
HERE, the frustration is that life seems to keep screwing with my attempts at a writing career. Every time I start to get traction, I have something like the prick neighbors upstairs completely derail things for me.
There’s also a growing frustration with the quality of my writing also. My “Boobgasms” post I feel was 5 levels beneath where it should have been in all regards. The same is true with all my stories here really; rough draft quality material that I should have polished out much more before posting.
With posts like this, I don’t mind that the writing quality is a hair sloppy and casual. The posts are written with the mindset of talking casually with (or venting to) a friend.
I keep having doubts about the whole “Witchfire” project also. Part of me wants to show that even the worst of the metahuman genre could be much better. A growing part of me is thinking “why am I even giving this misogynist crap the free publicity of good (well, better anyway) storytelling with a new character?”.
Am I just being lazy and depending upon an established world to avoid white room syndrome? My initial justification was not burning through my own characters and ideas, or risking having them stolen. Maybe putting out content that is 100% my own is what I need to grow more as a writer though. “Fan Fiction” (and I’m using an exceedingly broad definition here) can become a crutch for storytelling after all.
The flip side to all of this is that I know I’m exceedingly frustrated on many levels now, and I’m much more prone to rushing into poor choices in that situation. I’m ALSO looking at the existing eleven chapters like a craftsman or artist who turned out something really bad and feels they NEED to re-do it to redeem themselves and prove they could do it right.
Maybe it’s all just part of the normal writing process and I need to just quit getting hung up at that “Dark Night” stage:
Yes, I’m still alive. You’d never know it from my blogging activity though. With everything going on around here, it was better for me to keep a low profile instead of risking angry ranting posts or replies. So yeah… It’s been a hell of a week plus.
Long story short; the neighbors are acting worse than ever. Even after 30 good recordings of them trampling around upstairs like Bubba the Barbarian and his pet dinosaur Ugg, neither the apartment management nor the police will do anything about the noise issue. In the meantime, the poor quality sleep (tossing and turning) is undoing all the spinal rehab work I had done. I’m trying to double and triple down on the physical therapy to offset it. The return of the pain has only made my mood worse too.
Then, just to add injury to insult, the complex’s main entry gate malfunctioned…
I’m at a brief impasse writing fiction thanks to my rude neighbors, so I thought a little ‘sex-ed’ might be fun.
I’m going to write this for girls and guys. For some girls, orgasms from nipple or breast play come easy. According to research though, less than a third of women have ever experienced an orgasm this way. Soooo… some advice here seems appropriate. Guys… While it’s much more rare, but it can apparently happen for you also. HOWEVER, my goal here is to teach you how to give her an orgasm this way.
The first thing for both guys and gals to understand is that this is NOT a myth, nor something only a few blessed woman get to experience. Breasts, particularly the nipples are connected to the same area of the brain that processes genital stimulation. That, in turn, means that the breasts are connected to the vagina. That’s why really good sex can have that erotic lightning zipping between the two. Even more astounding, the research indicated there was little difference in the brain between real and imagined stimulation (presumably if the imagination was vivid enough anyway). THAT is important when we get to talking about the mental aspects of sex.
Let’s start with the VERY basic; make peace with your breasts. What do I mean? Society has numerous toxic messages regarding body image. Big breasts = airheaded bimbo, small breasts = no sex drive, not feminine, etc… Probably a hundred others I could list. I did a little bit of a rant about this recently. If you’re comfortable in your own skin, awesome. That’s as it should be. If you’re self-conscious about your breasts though, you will have mental blocks that prevent you from enjoying them being touched. Your identity and your sexuality can be enhanced by your breasts, but they do NOT define you as a woman. It’s all about accepting who you are, and learning to work what you’ve got at a level of mild to wild dress and style that YOU are comfortable with. Whatever their size or shape, your girls are uniquely yours. Own them, be proud of them.
The next step should be natural; take time to truly explore your breasts. You can’t tell or guide a guy how to touch you if you don’t truly know your body yourself. Believe me, most guys DO need guidance too, (as most of you can probably also attest to). Yet as bad as guys are with a woman’s body, women sometimes are also guilty of going straight for what they know works when self-pleasuring. Nipples, kitty, maybe inner thighs, and bang!
A little anecdote here about how you (or somebody else) can surprise yourself; my best friend in high school and college had her first boobgasm when she was 23 and doing post-graduate work in college, despite having a reasonably healthy sex life for years. She had a new boyfriend at that point, and he adored her boobs. She said she about died of shock when it happened, and then nearly did again when she found out she was responsive enough to have multiple orgasms that way. She had, up till that point, believed that boobgasms were a myth. All it took was the right touch.
Take the time to explore your breasts. Use different pressures, different parts of your hand, etc… as you explore different parts of them. As the picture below shows, breasts have several major nerves in them:
Aside from the nipples, the lower quadrants; especially the lower outer TEND to be very responsive, particularly to light caresses. Likewise, smaller breasts TEND to be more responsive than large ones because the nerves aren’t spread out over as large an area. Every woman is different though! Some will have more nerves, some will have them closer to the surface, some won’t. Take time and truly enjoy learning what makes your girls unique. Women who do can often have boobgasms solo.
Next, ladies… When it comes to activities with a partner; COMMUNICATE! Men are NOT mind readers, no matter how much it’s wished for. Other women can be slow picking up clues sometimes as well. Communicate gently and clearly though. The male ego is typically extremely fragile when it comes to the bedroom. “A little lower, gently baby”, will get you what you want from all but the most selfish partner, whereas “not like that, you ass!” is only going to cause a fight.
If you can get a partner to the point of understanding how to touch your breasts, you can even make a sexy game out of teaching them to explore your body. That will only lead to better foreplay and orgasms as they learn to equate that foreplay with increased desire from you.
I almost forgot… Remember that whole no difference between imagination and real stimulation? It’s true. Your brain can’t tell real sensory input from deeply imagined input. I imagine (lol) thinking your way to an orgasm would take a great deal of training. However, you can help intensify the physical stimulation by both vividly imagining the process and REALLY paying attention to your body’s sensations. That means tuning out the iPhone, etc… completely. NOTHING exists but the physical pleasure you’re feeling and your partner, IF present.
As a last note before moving to the guys, lets talk about BDSM and your boobs. Nipple clamps, binding the breasts, etc… Some people are into that. Reality is though, that you’re killing the long-term responsiveness of your breasts for some short-term kink. Go light on that kind of fun if you want your breasts to stay responsive (and avoid them becoming prematurely saggy in the case of the tight binding). If you’re into that, it’s all good. Just be aware that there will likely be long term effects.
On a vaguely related note, nipple piercings can make nipples quite responsive, but I haven’t found any long term studies on their effects on breast health or responsiveness.
OK guys, as with the recent rant, I’m going to start with the “why you should care” here. If you read the gal’s section it should be obvious though. The more you LEARN to touch her the right way,the more frequently you’re likely to see her likethis:
Contrary to all the macho nonsense out there, you’re NOT born a sex god, and thrilling her takes more than just size or pounding away. There’s ZERO shame there though. The only shame is in not learning to properly drive her crazy and have her screaming your name.
The thing that you all should understand about foreplay is that women are USUALLY slower to warm up, BUT if you take that time, once she truly gets going, she will be eager to give as much or more than she gets. Barriers and inhibitions have a way of slipping away once needs are met. Again, generalities here, so don’t assume foreplay will get you past a woman’s hard boundaries.
Another benefit of foreplay for you guys; if she’s on the verge of an orgasm or already had a few before you enter her, she’s more likely to be understanding about any stamina problems you might have since she will have had her release.
So, to keep it simple, QUALITY foreplay = more sex and better sex. That’s why you should want to learn.
Touching: Again, if you read the ladies’ section, you have an idea WHERE to touch her breasts. Now let’s talk about HOW. Porn is a BAD teacher here, and is exactly the opposite way to coax desire, responsiveness and orgasms out of a woman. Handling breasts roughly is probably almost as unpleasant as rough treatment of your cock is. Same with chewing on nipples. Look at all the nerves in that pic above, and how they ALL go to the nipples.
So what do you do? As a general rule, a woman’s breasts, and most anywhere else on her body, respond to the lightest touch possible at first. Start with the outer areas of her breasts, and use a feather-soft touch to circle and explore them. Slowly work your way inward. Watch for signs of her body getting warmed up; goose bumps, heavier breathing, aroused looks… her breasts may even swell slightly with stimulation. As she warms up, you can be a little more firm in how you handle her body. If you graduate to massaging her breasts, be gentle but firm. Caress them as much as knead them. If she wants it rougher, she’ll let you know.
A side note here about erogenous zones also: While there are certain spots on a woman’s body that are a bit more responsive than others, reality is a woman’s ENTIRE body is an erogenous zone IF you touch her correctly. Part of this is because sex is as much mental as physical for a woman. Even if she’s not yet at a point of needing to feel love from you, she at least wants to feel truly desired (and as a unique woman, not as a vagina).
Kissing: Yes, some ways are better than others here also. Start out with SOFT kisses around her breasts and work slowly towards her nipples. Tease her nipples lightly with your tongue. use soft, open mouth kisses and let her feel the heat of your mouth. Blow lightly on her nipples. Save firmer kisses and suckling her nipples until after she’s warmed up a little . If it happens faster than you expected, she’ll let you know she’s ready for more.
If you REALLY want to drive her crazy, use sex being mental for her against her. Use all the tricks above to let her feel you’re incredibly hungry for her, BUT use your self control and make a game of seeing how far you can build her own desires. Caress her everywhere except between her legs, whisper sexy things in her ear… Try to get her to outright beg you to take her. This IS a game you have to be careful with though. A few women react negatively to it, primarily ones with dominant personalities. We’re getting off topic here though.
Ask and Listen: You CAN do these and still maintain a strong appearance. It’s all in how you ask. Simply project a strong, yet caring attitude when you ask “like this?”, or harder, gentler, or whatever. It’s all in the tonality. As long as you don’t sound weak, scared or lacking in confidence, all but the most bitchy woman is going to respect that you’re trying to meet her needs and thus feel closer to you.
NEVER blame her if you’re not getting the desired response either. Almost nothing damages a woman’s self-esteem or her feelings for you like that does. Ask what you can do differently, and if it does turn out to be that she’s just not responsive, try other things and areas.
Past of “listening” means responding to body cues also. If she keeps backing her breast away from you as you’re giving it attention, it probably has gotten too sensitive. That MAY or MAY NOT have to do with how you handled it. Try switching to the other breast if you get that cue. Better yet, alternate so neither one feels neglected. 😉
Be aware of body changes too. Almost a side note here, but remember that even after you’ve learned a woman’s body, it’s sensitivity changes somewhat. Certain times of the month, her breasts will be more sensitive than usual. Communicate, and watch for body ques.
Enjoy the Learning Process! It can be fun exploring her body and learning to press as many buttons as you possibly can, if you approach it with a positive attitude. Make a game of it. Here’s one I’ve used in a few stories and is a personal favorite, it’s a four step game:
A) If he can get her nipples hard and her breathing heavy or moaning from kissing her, she loses her top and bra
B) If he can then give her at least one boobgasm, her pants or skirt come off
C) If he next can finger her to at least two more orgasms, her undies come off.
D) If he can then orally pleasure her to three more orgasms, her body is his.
Clothed areas on her body are NOT allowed to be touched, with the exception of being able to move to fingering her in step 3. Once a body part is naked, it’s fair game for additional stimulation though, so her back can be caressed when her top is off and her inner thighs are fair game once her pants or skirt is off (as examples). For step one though, he has to work those kisses only on her lips, face and neck. Orgasms don’t have to be earth shaking either, (bonus points if they are, lol), just strong enough to be recognized as such.
Common sense and mutual consent dictate what happens IF he makes it past step 4 also. Same with any other rules that you may want to set such as does she have to undress for him if she loses a piece of clothes, OR does he get to undress her. That goes beyond breast play, but is a great example of the kind of fun games you can create to make learning fun.
Girls, assuming you’re reading this far, and you want something simpler, maybe reward him with a favorite position or kink (ie tie your wrists to the bed posts) if he gives you that boobgasm. It’s all in what’s mutually enjoyable fun for both of you.
So yes, learning can be very sexy fun. Learning to be a real sex god is much better than just thinking you are and have women talking about you behind your back also. Trust me, girls DO talk too. Some are much kinder about it than others but the vast majority of girls do discuss the quality of their sex life with their girlfriends and female family members. Take the time to make sure that she’s either telling them you’re a stud or that she’s not saying anything so she knows she’s got you to herself. 😉
Real life has been hellish the last year, causing me to largely ignore this blog, but I’m determined to truly get going once and for all. Hence, I thought I should let those of you reading know that I’m still here and actively writing.
I have a LONG (26 pages and 12K + words) first chapter to my Witchfire series reboot started. In fact, it’s nearly done. I just need to get the actual naughty part just right. The original effort was kind of a train wreck, and I was pushing too hard to get content out instead of getting it right. I’m happy a few readers like it at all. THIS, I want to take to a whole new level.
I’m also working on a Conan era story with lots of sex and intrigue, but have just gotten started there. No telling how soon that will be up, but it IS a priority also.
I want to go back and re-work some of the existing mainstream erotica that I have posted also. As I’ve learned and grown, I’ve seen where I can do better with those as well.
Then, of course, there’s actually trying to get something finally published for sale instead of just talking about it forever and a day. A combination of self doubt and legitimately needing to improve more as a writer has been the problem there. At some point the training wheels have to come off though, or is that undies since we’re talking smut? LOL.
The most recent distraction has been exceedingly noisy neighbors upstairs. I’m not talking the fun kind of noises either. I’m talking about “we have two large dogs and we think it’s fun to have them chase things all around the house until 2am” noisy. No exaggeration either. Even trying to be good and understanding neighbors, we’ve had the police out five times in two weeks. The problem is made worse by the crappy construction of the apartments also.
To write quality erotica you have to be in a sexy mood, and it’s REALLY hard to feel sexy when you’re sleep deprived and pissed off.
Then I come back here and find somebody posted a comment that was nothing but a link to their blog. Best way in the world to get me to ignore you, no matter how good a writer you might be.
I just finished reading yet another article about another celebrity identifying as this label vs that label. It’s a pair of pet peeves of mine also, sooooo time for a rant… or two mini rants.
Is the public EVER going to face the cold, hard reality that being an actor, singer or model does NOT make one a rocket scientist?
Quite the contrary in most cases. Dedication to their craft means they haven’t spent much time at all studying physics, critical thinking, etc… In fact, Brian May of Queen fame is the only legitimate rocket scientist (astrophysicist to be specific) that I know of in the category of celebrity performers.
In my observation, the less a celebrity knows, the more likely they are to loudly voice an opinion on everything too. I’d say it comes from a deep-seated psychological insecurity from knowing they contribute little to society beyond an…