Yes, I’m admitting immediately that I’m using a clickbait headline, mostly…
Above, we have my heroine Witchfire, who is the star of my former attempt at doing something positive with the story world created by Danger Babe Central (NSFW link). I’ve been planning for the last few weeks to reboot the series and try to finish what I started.
Waiting for permission from Danger Babe Central’s owner to officially use images from his site in my new blog has given me some fresh perspective however. I’ve been forced to consider the possibility that “Mr X” may say no. He allows use of his characters for fan fiction, especially if it’s posted at his site, but borrowing images that he tries to make a living off of MAY be another thing entirely to him, even with credit and link backs given.
Long story short, that got me playing “What If” and planning for contingencies. The fact that using my own or alternative artwork while continuing the planned setting of Delta City never seemed a viable option got me to do some real thinking… Instead I was planning a story world of my own.
MAYBE the reality is that the nature of Danger Babe Central’s content bothers me more than I want to admit. All the sexual content there is non-consensual, and it’s honestly rather artless at that. It’s all physically overpowering the superheroines, never something more subtle like demanding sex in exchange for information, or the release of hostages, or just a heroine and villain get all hot and bothered while wrestling around, etc… Consensual sex? Forget about it. I’ve been so focused on trying to show I’m a good enough writer to create something worthwhile from that kind of story world, that I haven’t even bothered with the idea of should I bother? I’m wondering now if the two year gap in writing Witchfire has had more to do with that Writer’s Block post I did; how it’s caused by your subconscious telling you it’s a bad idea…
Don’t get me wrong, I see the potential to create something from Danger Babe Central. I wouldn’t have started the original incarnation of Witchfire otherwise. NOW, the question lingers if I’d be better off… more true to myself… creating my own story world with my own heroes and heroines, and a fresh narrative.
It wouldn’t be that hard to do. I’ve been creating hero characters for various games since the 1980s. I started with the pen and paper Marvel Superheroes game by TSR (now Wizards of the Coast), and have gone through multiple computer RPGs as well. City of Heroes, Champions Online, etc… Long story short, I have an already existing massive portfolio of characters good and evil to use.
The idea of creating a world where superpowers might mean increased libido without turning characters into cliches is appealing as well. Nevermind that I left so many dangling plots in all those old games…
FINALLY… I got the new Silk Cords website launched this morning! It still needs some fleshing out and polishing in a few spots. I got several posts transferred over and re-written in some cases though. I even managed to set up an age gate and get a plug-in that allows me to stay compliant with all the Euro cookie rules.
As promised in an earlier post, I’ve kept the adult content completely segregated from the normal content, and intend to make sure any blog posts and notifications stay completely PG rated. There will be plenty of Erotica and talk about Sex though, along with the return of my Witchfire erotica series.
THAT was actually what caused the delay in launching. All these bright new features for WordPress are completely geared around everything on your blog being a post. The only way around that is a pretty solid knowledge of CSS code. The site will evolve as I learn there. Right now, it’s still pretty freaking awesome. How awesome?
It’ll hit you like Mjolnir:
I’m still trying to figure out how much WordPress.org ties into WordPress.com. Thus far, it seems awkward at best. All stuff to work out.
No, I didn’t bury the lead either. I’m just building anticipation.
To the tune of 167 Million accounts. This per the warning I just got from my internet security software:
At the very least be wary of new spam and scam emails coming from people claiming to be with Gravitar, or anyone else. Fake blackmail schemes claiming to have more data on you than what was breached, or to have put malware on your PC are also common scams.
It’s been a few days, so It’s past due time I checked in here. I’ve been hard at work on the new WordPress.org self hosted site. It’s getting close to finished at this point, but there are still some behind the scenes things that need to be polished and tweaked. Soon though… 🙂
Thinking over the site, and past experience here, I’ve decided that the new blog is going to focus entirely on writing. Absolutely no more social issues, political talk, personal drama (nobody cares), product reviews or even cooking posts. Just everything writing:
Vanilla Creative Writing; nothing over PG-13
Reviews of “How To” products on writing (books, videos, websites, etc..)
Critiques of movies and TV shows from a writer’s perspective; what works and what doesn’t
Erotica and anything “Adult” related will be in a separate section of the blog, and will be behind an age verification pop-up. I’m going to do a better job than I did with this blog in terms of keeping anything NSFW behind that age check. That means NO racy pictures or backgrounds in the primary section of the blog.
Creative writing of all flavors will have separate pages, and the blog posts announcing new stories will only have links to those pages with a note regarding whether it’s NSFW or not.
Part of the process with the new blog has been moving some of my more relevant past posts and existing stories from the two old blogs to the new. I want to rewrite damned near everything also, and already have in a couple of cases. I noticed something though as I went back through my lists of pages and posts.
I jumped around WAY too much on the focus of each blog. With the actual creative writing, it was self doubt and too much real life drama killing my mojo. The stuff I tried to do as filler too often took over though. Not only that, I jumped from idea to idea as I tried to keep things fresh and attract new readers. Even when I tried to have a structured theme for daily posts I flopped. I just need to focus on the writing and stay consistent. THAT is my pledge with the new blog.
AND that I’ll also be upping my game across the board. No more holding back on my writing.
In Other News:
This isn’t the new blog, so I can sneak in one or two QUICK personal updates here.
First, the house that we got defrauded on is back on the market, at $50,000 higher than we bought it for. All the mortgage company or listing agents did was the most basic of house flipper cosmetic repairs to hide the defects (patching the cracked mortar, fresh paint, clean the carpets, etc…). It pisses me off that somebody else is going to be put in a likely world of financial trouble as well living in a toxic house. I have precious little idea what I can do to correct the situation though. The laws in Georgia are completely corrupt and promote screwing the buyer. I could get sued for tortious interference with a contract with most options or charged with trespassing if I put up signs, try to talk to people during open houses, etc…
Most people nowadays would sadly be content to sit back and let things unfold, especially if it meant the house would sell for enough money to put them in the clear. This level of injustice literally makes my skin crawl though. Likewise, it’s not right to be made whole at the expense of an innocent party.
And lastly, I *MAY* have a new job; a real one for the first time in a decade. I had the realtor job for a while during that time, but between my health and lack of money, I was never able to really make a run of it. I’m in the final phase of the hiring process. All that remains to be seen is if they will accept the fact that I’m a virtual blank. No social media presence, no credit history now thanks to following the Dave Ramsey plan, and really no recent job history as well.
I’m just glad that the spinal decompression and physical therapy got me to the point I can work again. The prospect of being a contributing member of society has been a huge morale boost.
It’s been a few days since the last post, announcing my intention to switch platforms to the self-hosted version of WordPress.
I just wanted to let folks know I’m still around and that the update is taking a little longer than anticipated. The full site block(head) editor is a PITA. Promise the new site will be worth it though.
I plan on having both “regular” and adult areas to the new blog, and I’m looking forward to seeing you all there in the near future. 🙂
WordPress.com anyway. 🙂 The high prices for subscription packages are unreal, and the battling with the limited editor options is annoying as well. There’s only one answer:
Yep, that’s right: Tear it all down…
And rebuild it at WordPress.org
I decided to pay for the hosting elsewhere and go with WordPress.org instead.
It took a good while, but I bundled up and exported everything from this site to the new one. Unfortunately, preserving appearance settings didn’t work so well. The site is a definite work in progress. I’m planning on making the new version something special though.
It will likely be a couple days before the new site is ready. I have plans most of the day tomorrow. This project is going to take some real work as well.
Once it’s done, I’ll give post the new URL for everyone.
As promised in my last post, it’s time for a post about my experiences with Medium.com.
I’ve been curious about Medium for a long time. That curiosity has only grown as more bloggers and writers seem to migrate there. My investigation was hardly In-depth, but I managed to do enough digging to uncover the major pluses and minuses.
The Big Drawback:
I’m not one to bury the lead, so I’m going to lead with what SHOULD be the biggest drawback for creative types, and explain what it could mean.
That big drawback is that Medium claims ownership of your content from the get go, right in the Terms of Service:
Rights and Ownership
“You retain your rights to any content you submit, post or display on or through the Services.
Unless otherwise agreed in writing, by submitting, posting, or displaying content on or through the Services, you grant Medium a nonexclusive, royalty-free, worldwide, fully paid, and sub-licensable license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, publicly perform and display your content and any name, username or likeness provided in connection with your content in all media formats and distribution methods now known or later developed on the Services.
Medium needs this license because you own your content and Medium therefore can’t display it across its various surfaces (i.e., mobile, web) without your permission.
This type of license also is needed to distribute your content across our Services. For example, you post a story on Medium. It is reproduced as versions on both our website and app, and distributed to multiple places within Medium, such as the homepage or reading lists. A modification might be that we show a snippet of your work (and not the full post) in a preview, with attribution to you. A derivative work might be a list of top authors or quotes on Medium that uses portions of your content, again with full attribution. This license applies to our Services only, and does not grant us any permissions outside of our Services.”
On the surface, the explanation for the shared (“nonexclusive”) ownership seems reasonable enough. Especially if one considers how legally complicated the world has gotten today. People will sue over anything, and distort even legitimate business practices IF it means there’s a chance at making a fast buck.
I’m overly-suspicious after being defrauded by everyone from the moving company to our real estate agent, contractors and lawyer in the last couple of years.
Exaggeration, but it makes the point. 😀
Here’s where *I* start to get suspicious. Two paragraphs down from that quote is this:
“We may stop providing the Services or any of its features within our sole discretion. We also retain the right to create limits on use and storage and may remove or limit content distribution on the Services.”
Google at least USED TO include similar language and ownership rights in their TOS for all their online services (Gmail, Google Docs, Cloud Storage, etc…). Essentially the first part gave them permission to data mine the *bleep* out of you via going through your online work. The second part holds them harmless if they lose your stuff due to a server crash or whatever: “We said we owned it and could dispose of it as we saw fit”.
Last I looked, Google had either buried their similar TOS language even deeper or eliminated it. I”d bet on the former not the latter. The point is, I’d bet Medium has the same rights set up for similar reasons.
Data mining… It’s unavoidable. Everything you do online or near an online connected device is tracked. THAT is not an exaggeration. So, it doesn’t matter where you post whatever you do.
Data Loss & lack of responsibility for it… That’s easy also. Just cut and paste your posts to M$ Word, Libre Office, or some similar program and keep a backup copy. Given how much they hold nowadays, you can keep YEARS of posts on a single thumb drive. You SHOULD do this regardless of the platform you use.
Beyond that, there’s the POTENTIAL of what I see a greedy company with crooked lawyers being able to do with those permissions.
Yes, still trying to have a little fun there. I really can see how that “nonexclusive, royalty-free, worldwide, fully paid, and sub-licensable license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, publicly perform and display your content and any name, username or likeness provided in connection with your content in all media formats and distribution methods now known or later developed on the Services.” COULD be twisted by a halfway decent lawyer to give Medium permission to do whatever they want with your content though, right down to running it through a content spinner and / or just reselling it for their own profit.
Crazy? MAYBE. Does Lexus (as an example) need to give a TV or Radio network ownership of their cars to advertise them though? Even with the modest understanding I have of the law, the “sub-licensable” term is a wildcard for potential misconduct: “No, it wasn’t in our direct ‘services’ to sell your script for Bambi 3 to that adult film maker”, BUT it was within the range of marketing services of that company we subcontracted… and therefore within the Terms Of Service you agreed to.”.
Am I being a bit paranoid there? Yes. They’re probably not going to care much about the content posted by more people. None the less, I think the potential for abuse is clearly there.
First, there’s a HUGE plus to switching over to Medium.com for many writers: The amount of views and “claps” (ie Likes) you get are typically MUCH higher than on WordPress. One author I know who uses both Medium and WordPress and runs the same book ads on both sites. She gets less than a dozen views and maybe 2 likes on WP, while that same ad on Medium gets hundreds of “claps”. We’re not talking Stephen King here either. Just an average self-published author working off of Amazon, Smash Words and similar sites.
That’s a BIG difference in numbers, and people caring enough to actually give a “clap”
One former WordPress blogger also mentioned in one of her last WP posts that Medium also gives you stats on how long people are spending on your post. This can be a really helpful indicator regarding whether or not your posts are truly getting attention, or just “drive by looks”. The latter is likely to indicate you need to need to do something different than you did in that post.
Nominal Setup Required: A plus for the technology challenged, but perhaps a minus for those who really want to customize their blog or site is that Medium runs off a pretty standardized format. There’s not much website to set up beyond adding a few pictures and social media links and filling in the “about me” page, which is apparently required to help cut down on scam sites. The “about me” page can (by my limited understanding) be fairly general information however, and screen names are OK so long as they’re tied to social media accounts an “an active project domain” whatever the hell THAT is.
A Quality Editor / Interface: This next part is second hand information as I don’t have a full account on Medium, but multiple reviewers have said that Medium’s writing tools for composing a blog post are well designed, have reasonable depth and are very intuitive. I can’t remember anyone ever saying the same about WordPress. 😛 🙂
Swimming with Big Fish: Medium has CEOs, major media outlets and other “thought leaders” (as one review described them) among it’s community of writers.
Making MONEY from Your Blog: Yep, paying members have the opportunity to make money off of their blog posts. How much is determined by your view count (and probably the time per view also). I have little knowledge of the system or it’s pay rate, just that it’s there as a possibility.
Social Media Tie-Ins: Maybe a negative IF you dislike social media as much as I do, but Facebook and Twitter are both tied to Medium, making it easy to promote your posts on those outlets as well as scan to see if Twitter friends are on Medium as well. By my understanding, Medium is also in the process of connecting with Mastodon in a similar manner.
Cost: Medium does have a $5 a month member’s fee. This might be seen as a negative to somebody who likes their free WordPress account. I’m going to outright argue it’s a good thing though. Why? Because it’s a minimal fee and keeps out of the picture the people who blog only to collect likes or troll or scam people… err sell stuff in their blog. For less than the cost of one Starbucks cup of coffee, you’ve increased the quality of the group tenfold.
You Don’t Control the Platform: In plain English, that means that Medium.com has content moderators. If you put up something that violates the TOS, they can gank that content. The general content prohibitions are fairly standard for hosting content:
Nothing that’s a Trademark or Copyright violation. Also give credit to sources.
No Graphic Pornography, although nudes are OK. No pedophilia also, but that SHOULD be common sense.
No “Hate Speech”, and they do seem to have a pretty broad definition of the term.
Nothing “promoting” (ie even mentioning) self harm in any form. I’m NOT sure if this includes depictions of drinking or drug use, but it covers everything else from suicide to cutting and other forms of injury.
There are also rules against any kind of harassment or cyber bullying, as well as pestering people for follows and claps.
Most of this is NO big deal for me. It’s common decency, AND the same restrictions are already in place here at WordPress.com. The same is true at most any other site you could use as well. My only concern is the “hate speech” ban.
Anything perceived as a negative portrayal of a protected group can potentially fall into that definition if it’s interpreted with enough bias. There’s a HUGE difference between some racist piece of trash neckbeard saying “I hate N words” and somebody else writing a post saying that Black Lives Matters’ rhetoric MAY be too heated at times and could actually hurt their cause. Yet both could be interpreted as hate speech by somebody with a severe enough bias.
Unfortunately, I don’t have enough inside information to make a valid determination as to how balanced Medium.com’s interpretation of that rule might be.
Bottom line though; it’s really not TOO much different than WordPress.com. The enforcement of things like copyright rules may be a little more vigorous however due to Medium being a more visible target for lawsuits nowadays.
Changing Trends: This is something I saw mentioned at least once; the idea is that if Medium is no longer trendy or goes under, you’re out of luck. Reality is, that’s ANY internet site or platform that you use. Social Media startups have come and gone like crazy the last 10 years. Facebook has lost popularity, Twitter is imploding, and yes WordPress is (in my opinion) slowly dying also. It’s a danger, but you’re no more at risk using Medium than anyone else.
There’s ALOT of Competition: What I mentioned about big fish up above can also work against you. There’s alot of quality writers on Medium, so no matter how well you write, it’s going to take networking on the site to get noticed. Like most of the negatives here however, the same can be said of ANY blogging, writing or social media platform.
The difference that I see at first glance is that Medium gives me more of an impression of writers who want to engage with each other. Where WordPress has a twitter style vibe of trading likes for likes (and who cares what you actually said), Medium FEELS more like writers wanting to boost each other up. Granted, that’s only a first impression, so I may be wrong. It’s the vibe I’m going with though.
Some of WordPress’s Metrics are Better: WordPress does track more data regarding your post than Medium does. Information such as what time of the day do you typically have the most views as one example. If you’re obsessed with numbers, WP might be a better bet. In my 5 years of experience in my other blog however, quality, consistency and networking count for alot more than statistics.
This next negative, I’m quoting directly from an article at elevenwriting.com:
You (Probably) Won’t Earn a Fortune: Although you may welcome the opportunity to earn a little extra income, it’s important to be realistic about your potential earnings even if your content is of an extremely high standard. According to data released by the company in September 2020, the highest sum earned by a writer in the previous month was $49,581.31, with 6.2% of its active writers earning more than $100 per month. Flip this around, and it also means that almost 94% of the platform’s writers make less than $100 per month.
What that author didn’t consider is that 100% of WordPress.com authors are absolutely ZERO directly from their blog content… barring Ko-fe or some similar tipping service. Medium has similar tipping and donation options by the way.
I’d LOVE to know who made almost $50k on their writing that month by the way, LOL.
Lack of Advanced, Code Based Options: Typically a concern for advanced writers with at least some coding background. There’s no A/B testing options, tracking pixels or custom code allowed with Medium. Options there are pretty limited on WordPress.com as well however, and you typically will need a more independent WordPress.org account to get all those technical options.
“Curation” is a Mixed Bag: Curation is a feature on Medium where the editors pick content they like and (theoretically) find exceptional, and feature it around Medium, and even in their newsletter. It’s great promotion IF you can get it. Reality is it’s fellow human beings with their own personal biases making largely subjective decisions about “best” content. Keep in mind my previous remarks about stiff competition as well.
Tracking and SEO: I’ve read that being under the umbrella of Medium’s vast array of content and writers mean that it’s hard to get noticed by search engines. In theory, the same should be true of WordPress.com, yet my sites both have turned up in searches without too much trouble. The reviews I’ve read on this are a couple years old, and Medium has supposedly been working to improve this problem for members. Realistically, I don’t know enough to comment here intelligently. My advice, consider it a possible issue, but keep a healthy skepticism.
Personally, I’m a little uneasy about a few of the concerns I listed. Content ownership being the first one. I’ve seen a few articles that quote Medium as saying (much like Google eventually did) that “your content is yours and you own it forever”. The thing is, even if they really did say that in the company blog at some point, the Terms of Service carry far more legal weight, and the “we co-own everything with you” clause is still there on the web page.
POSSIBLE censorship is something else I worry about… a little anyway. Not so much about sex or copyrights, etc… I get the potential legal complications there. It’s the “hate speech” clauses in their TOS that bother me. The terms are broad enough that anything that offends anyone, no matter how sensitive they might be, can potentially be pulled. All I can say there is that I’m glad I’m not doing a political or social issues blog.
So is it worth it? I lean towards the advice I saw in another review of Medium: Use it as a secondary or mirror platform to increase your exposure. At the very least, it’ll give you an opportunity to judge for yourself how valid the pros and cons listed above are. If it turns out not to be for you, Medium advertises a “cancel any time” policy on their $5 a month membership fee.
I spent the last couple of days involved in an exercise in futility; trying to upgrade this site to make it a little more modern looking as well as accessible to the disabled. Drop down menus can be a bigger issue for them in some cases than I realized.
I started by changing the blog’s status to “Coming Soon”. That’s better than having a follower (potential or actual) see the blog morphing in different ways as I try to figure out what I think works from a design perspective. No issues there.
THEN… I tried to switch to the new 2023 blog template. The outright switch was also simple enough. It’s when we got to TRYING TO customize the site that everything went FUBAR.
First, there’s NO apparent way to add a background image. I went to YouTube and looked at tutorial videos for answers. WordPress.Org (the version for self hosting) seems to have extra editing controls that are missing for us poor relations here on WordPress.com. Even with those extra controls, there only seemed to be an option for pre-packaged templates that were simple colored backgrounds.
Yes, I know that the 2023 theme runs on directory style pages to get to actual posts. THIS theme (the 2011 theme) has the background image to the sides of the main content areas though. THAT is what I was looking for on the attempted new version. Essentially something that would dress up the home page. No dice.
I’m convinced that the WP.com version of the editor is just plain broken. I didn’t even have an option to change the header picture until this morning. By that time, I said the hell with it. The blog had already been down 2 1/2 days at that point. That was long enough.
Unsurprisingly, there’s no option to revert the blog back to an old format also. Even when I went to manually hunt down the 2011 theme, it wasn’t listed in any of the options. I had to manually search for the theme by name in order to bring it back up. In the only stroke of good luck during the process, the blog restored perfectly to it’s old format, pictures and all.
Why the Hate?
The reason I’m so frustrated here is because basic “What You See Is What You Get” editing has been around for decades. It’s the basis of desktop publishing programs, and better word processing programs like Corel WordPerfect. With Corel, I can put the cursor anywhere I want on a page and just start typing. Yes, WYSIWYG formatting has been around for ages for website design also. It’s still out there. Just Google “WYSIWYG Site Builder” and see how many results you get.
WordPress can’t be bothered to make something that simple for the average user. You have to have a coding background to get real functionality out of the WP Editor, and only a coder will find the broken controls for the full site editor intuitive at all. Personally, I find working with the old piece-meal editing tools easier, and I have an IT background.
Part of my time ended up being spent exploring other options, thanks to my frustration. Medium in particular intrigued me. MANY people have made the jump from here over to Medium already. I’ll share some thoughts on Medium in a separate post later today. There are ALOT of pros and cons to the site.
Let me just cut to the chase and say I’m determined to continue my blogging. In terms of using WordPress however, I’m 95% likely to switch over to private hosting and using WordPress.org. The tools are better, there are more options for plug-ins and other features… Even more so that WP.com premium accounts have. It’s just all around a better product. Since the software is all tied together, my posts would still be shared in the reader, and I’d still be able to follow those using the free .com version of WP.
For those of you who are of a similar mindset, Siteground.com has a massive sale right now. This is the site that the guy whose tutorial I watched uses and recommends. The caveat is that you have to pay for a full year in advance. Even with the middle cost plan that’s only $60 however, and includes a free domain name for the year. THAT however is with an 80% discount offer, which means the second year your costs will increase dramatically without some type of discounted renewal offer.
HostGator and similar sites that offer automated WordPress hosting (including automatic software updates) all offer similar deals.
Then there’s Medium.com. At this point, I’m strongly considering mirroring my postings there as well. It will give me better visibility and readership. I **WILL NOT** however,do what many WP.com defectors have done and only post a snippet here followed by a link to Medium. My feeling is that readers come to a blog expecting to read, not get an advertisement and a redirect.
I’ve still got a little thinking to do on the whole hosting issue. A final decision will depend upon what options I can find here as well. Any readers inclined to make changes themselves should wait until I’ve posted my findings regarding Medium also.
Yesterday, I promised a rant about how bad sex seems to be an increasingly growing problem. So, it’s time to deliver.
Porn is One ofTwo Root Causes:
We will tackle the second one in the very near future. Porn goes first because everything I see convinces me that it’s leading the way in amplifying the problem. For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s all bad, just that people are unable to put things in perspective, and differentiate what they see on their computer screen and how real life works.
With porn sites all over the internet, it’s become increasingly common for men and women to check out adult videos. The trouble here is that in a society where nobody talks to anyone anymore, it’s also where too many guys (and some women) get their impressions about what sex is supposed to be like. So what’s wrong?
Seduction and romance are completely missing for starters. That creates unrealistic expectations about what it takes to get a woman into bed, and that relationships take effort.
It Promotes a Lack of Foreplay:
Lack of foreplay is another issue. It’s been a problem forever, but has only gotten worse with the advent of internet porn. I don’t care how good you THINK you are in bed or how good you look, women are rarely ready to go at the drop of a hat. A woman’s body takes time to “warm up”, and it’s NOT a matter of “touch here, then here, then there and bang!” Erogenous zones or hot spots vary (at least in responsiveness) AND there’s a need to show emotion too. Even if it’s just a casual hookup, she wants to feel deeply physically desired.
I also covered foreplay in a previous post or two. The advantages to it are that the more you take the time to get her turned on, the more intense and frequent her orgasms will be. It promotes physical intimacy, increased desire and lowered inhibitions. That last part means she’s less likely to turn down any kinky ideas you may have. No still means no however.
Even in Porn, Orgasms Are Sometimes Faked:
Yes, believe it or not, it’s true. This is an example of how Viagra has actually hurt the adult industry as well. Porn companies can hire pretty boys with no skill, give them the Viagra and throw them in front of a camera. Meg Ryan was MOSTLY right in “When Harry Met Sally” that it’s hard to tell if a woman is faking an orgasm… unless she’s so not into the act that she only goes through the motions of even faking the orgasm. I’m seeing it fairly often in porn nowadays. Here’s a few things to look for:
Her nipples never get fully erect, and no goosebumps around them.
Her “moaning” sounds mechanical
Her body never tenses up when she orgasms
She quickly separates herself from him after he finishes, sometimes barely hiding a look of disdain.
None of these are perfect indicators, except maybe the last one. The gal in the pic above, for example, doesn’t have fully erect nipples. She DOES have goosebumps all around them however. Generally speaking though, even a woman without responsive boobs will have her nipples fully erect as she gets close to and during a strong orgasm. Likewise a weak orgasm may not lead to muscles tensing up, but a good orgasm generally does.
My point here is that if even the porn star with the giant dick can’t make them cum half the time, porn probably isn’t the best learning material.
Porn Almost Always Minimizes Sexual Technique:
This one requires little explanation. Suffice it to say that there is MUCH more to sex than size or putting it in and pounding away. Size helps, especially when it comes to reaching “the Deep Spot”, just below the cervix. Too big hits the cervix and causes her pain however. IF you doubt me, watch and see how rare it is for a “giant” guy to get fully “balls deep” into the actress he’s partnered with for a scene. They’ll typically end up in positions that don’t allow full penetration.
LONG story short, even if you can get orgasms out of her with just pounding away, you’ll get more frequent and intense orgasms via skills like the Coital Alignment Technique and other Eastern tricks I’m aware of (and will share eventually).
Porn Vastly Distorts Domination and Submission:
What I’m talking about here is that porn always seems to eliminate consent and trust building aspect of a real Dom (or Domme) and Sub relationship. What always seems to end up being portrayed instead is rough sex with little or no consent. When tried out in the real world, this can lead to damaged trust or even domestic violence and sexual assault charges.
Rough sex isn’t really my thing, BUT as long as it’s consensual that’s all good and well. However, while domination MAY include rough sex, rough sex is NOT domination. I think this “meme” says it best:
THAT kind of relationship takes trust built on honest and open communication by both parties and a realization by the would be dominant that it’s their job to make the submissive feel safe and nurtured, not just use her as a fuck toy. When a woman submits as described above, it’s because she’s developed a deep trust that she will be safe, protected and is truly treasured.
That “fuck toy” mentality is what I’ve seen more and more of over the years however. I’ve counseled several women that wanted to explore their submissive side but were being pursued by predators who told them if they were submissive they had to obey immediately and without question. Those were abusers who can’t handle a real relationship, NOT dominants.
Likewise, grabbing a woman’s throat has become so en vogue that it’s in almost every video out there now. NEVER do that without talking about it ahead of time, even if it’s just holding without choking. You can scare the hell out of a woman that way. Autoerotic asphyxiation attempts are even scarier, and have occasionally resulted in death on top of failing at hitting that more intense orgasm. The woman that’s truly into being choked is fairly rare. In my opinion, if you don’t get permission first, you belong in jail.
Porn Creates Unrealistic Expectations For Women Also:
No, I’m not talking about body image. That’s a given anymore with porn actresses often having unnaturally large boobs, rears, eyelashes and even lips now. I see little need to beat that dead horse any further.
I’m talking about sexual performance. There are multiple angles here also. First there’s expecting the guy to go an hour like the porn star. Nevermind the porn star is on Viagra, and doing that starlet in front of the camera has probably become mundane as a gynecologist’s job is to him or her.
For her, there are possible expectations of wild flexibility, deep throating (which can leave her throat raw and sore), and having the leg strength to ride cowgirl for extended periods of time. What II find can be more frustrating for the guys however, is the belief that once she’s on her back or being taken from behind that she can just turn into a pillow princess (the new polite term for a dead lay).
Yes, Ladies, I’m picking on you a little here as well. If you want to keep your partner happy, it’s not enough to just lay there and (fake?) orgasm. Kissing, caressing, and communicating are also important. Probably the most important “trick” you can learn is to be able to keep a grip down there by doing your kegels or similar pelvic floor strengthening exercises. Done right, that move can put YOU in control even if you’re a submissive being bent over the edge of the bed by your dom.
It’s quite simple. Never substitute porn for genuine technique and passion if not love or affection. Open and honest communication is vital as well to maintaining a healthy, happy relationship in and out of bed. In fact, LACK of communication is the other factor in bad sex, and I’ll be discussing that soon.