I got into an interesting “debate” earlier today about the evils of Porn. I say debate with quotes because it went the way many internet discussions go, with the other side refusing to listen to anything that diverged from their own particular view that everything “adult” was evil and degrading to women.
I do NOT want to get into the pattern or appearance of defending what’s wrong with the adult entertainment industry. My sole objection in the earlier debate elsewhere was that EVERY woman was a sex slave and that every adult video out there is degrading to women. Jenna Jameson made a fortune in the porn industry. 1993’s “Cabin Fever” was made by women for women.
I guess my questions / conversation starters are:
- How do we make these more the rule than the exception?
- How do we separate erotica from hardcore hentai and porn?
- How do we help men, especially younger men, see that porn is a FANTASY and not the real world?
- Is it even possible to convince some people that sex isn’t evil?
A couple of things before we dive into discussion:
First, once again, I’m not defending sex trafficking, use of under age performers, and such. These things should be stamped out, period.
Second, I’m not talking in point number one about making all porn into romance novels (which is kind of what Cabin Fever was). I’m talking about making it passionate and appealing to both sexes.
Lastly, I’m working from the assumption that censorship and outlawing any sort of adult video is only going to drive the industry underground and make it harder to monitor. Much the same way prohibition did with booze and the recent COVID related censorship did with alternative views and questioning the government.
I actually do have some ideas for all four questions above. I want to see what readers have to say first however. 😉
Silk's Erotica 
1. How do we make these more the rule than the exception?
You can’t. You would just be Sisyphus pushing the rock to the top of the hill. You will have to be satisfied with there being some good ethical pornography. It does not always have to be made by women but it needs to not be exploitive and take the needs of both men and women into equal account.
2. How do we separate erotica from hardcore hentai and porn?
Possibly answered already. Less exploitive and equal attention paid to the needs of both men and women.
3. How do we help men, especially younger men, see that porn is a FANTASY and not the real world?
Children learn by what they see modeled by those they look up to. Children pick up drinking, smoking etc. because they see their parents and other adults doing it. If you want the younger generations to adopt healthier concepts about porn and sex then model them. Don’t make crude jokes or sexist comments etc.
4. Is it even possible to convince some people that sex isn’t evil?
Nope. Some people think the world is still flat and 5G cell towers caused covid-19.
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Cynical as ever, LOL. The majority of people that do bad things are misguided as opposed to outright evil. Don’t get me wrong, there ARE evil people in the world, but they’re the minority. Show them a better way without degrading them for their mistakes and you might be surprised how many change.
2. Pretty much agreed on
3. Most studies blame peer pressure as opposed to the example set by parents. Then again, most studies are sponsored by groups intent on dismantling the traditional family as well. Either way, the answer is going to be a little more complex and multi-faceted.
4. Depressingly, I think you’re right. I remember one occasion years ago on a general chat forum where one younger guy wrote a tirade about how he knew women always hated sex and thought it was terrible that other guys forced them to do it. He had a good dozen women tell them that they LOVE consensual sex and how amazing a good orgasm can feel. He wouldn’t believe it no matter what. Same with the gal I was discussing things with yesterday. She’s admitted to having no sex drive, so I think she’s imposing that condition onto all women and assuming any who would do porn or enjoy sex are exploited.
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“Come possiamo renderli più la regola che l’eccezione?”
Dietro la questione dell’etica morale, molte persone nascondono le loro frustrazioni sessuali. Ci vorrebbe più consapevolezza e maturità per intuire che il sesso, come l’amore, e/o l’amicizia è desiderio di entrambi e non egoismo di uno solo.
“Come separiamo l’erotica dall’hentai hardcore e dal porno”
Per molti avvicinarsi al sesso, anche il solo parlarne, è ancotra un tabù. Non riescono a dialogare con l’altro sesso. Coi fumetti si scatena ancora di più la frustrazione, repressione e allora ci vedono anche ciò che nella realtà non c’è.
“Come possiamo aiutare gli uomini, in particolare gli uomini più giovani, a vedere che il porno è una FANTASIA e non il mondo reale?”
Io credo che alla base di ogni tipo di rapporto ci vuole il dialogo. Il Sesso è sempre stato visto come un tabù, come una strada che conduce al peccato, e quando più si vieta di fare una cosa, persino di parlarne, più si trovano i modi per aggirare tale divieto. Oggi le donne sono molto più emancipate degli uomini. Ed è già una cosa buona. Un uomo che lo intuisce ha fatto già un passo avanti.
È anche possibile convincere alcune persone che il sesso non è cattivo?
Dipende dal contesto dove nasci e cresci, dai genitori, dalla famiglia, dagli amici, dall’istruzione scolastica, dai retaggi religiosi, dalle esperienze di vita che ognuno di noi ha. E’ vero che lo sfruttamento delle donne dilaga, però è purtroppo anche vero che molte si fanno sfruttare deliberatamente. Basta farsi un giro sui canali webcam per adulti. La domanda è altissima ma anche le offerte si sono molto diversificate e sono numerose. Il sesso è un commercio, uno scambio a pagamento, con il mondo virtuale il fenomeno si è esteso, si è liberalizzato molto, è divertente e anche meno rischioso fisicamente. Ma resta tutto digitale e svilente, sia in termini di privacy che in termini economici. Io credo che anche il sesso sia un fatto di scambio di opinioni, cultura, emozioni, sentimenti. In qualsiasi cosa entri il commercio, i soldi, si svilisce tutto. Anche il sesso.
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“How can we make them more the rule than the exception?”
Behind the question of moral ethics, many people hide their sexual frustrations. It would take more awareness and maturity to understand that sex, like love, and / or friendship is the desire of both and not the selfishness of one.
Agreed. My Italian is fairly limited by the way, so I had to use Google Translate. 😀
“How do we separate erotica from hardcore hentai and porn”
For many, getting close to sex, even just talking about it, is still a taboo. They can’t dialogue with the opposite sex. With comics, frustration, repression and even more are unleashed and then they also see what there is in reality ..
If I understand correctly, I’d agree. There has to be less taboo about discussing sex so that what’s fantasy can be separated from real relationships.
“How can we help men, especially younger men, to see that porn is a FANTASY and not the real world?”
I believe that dialogue is the basis of any type of relationship. Sex has always been seen as a taboo, as a road that leads to sin, and when the more you are forbidden to do something, even to talk about it, the more ways you can get around this prohibition. Today women are much more emancipated than men. And it’s already a good thing. A man who senses this has already taken a step forward.
Agreed, and I obviously did understand correctly since you made the same point about open and honest communication and less taboos.
Is it even possible to convince some people that sex isn’t bad?
It depends on the context in which you are born and raised, on parents, family, friends, school education, religious heritage, life experiences that each of us has. It is true that the exploitation of women is rampant, but unfortunately it is also true that many are deliberately exploited. Just take a ride on adult webcam channels. The demand is very high but also the offers have diversified and are numerous. Sex is a trade, a paid exchange, with the virtual world the phenomenon has spread, it has liberalized a lot, it is fun and even less physically risky. But everything remains digital and demeaning, both in terms of privacy and in economic terms. I believe that sex is also a matter of exchange of opinions, culture, emotions, feelings. Whatever you enter trade, money, everything is debased. Even sex.
A good point. Turning something into a business transaction does often make it dirty or tawdry. Maybe that’s the deeper issue with any sort of adult entertainment. It make sex become a transaction not an act of love or passion.
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Si è proprio così 🙂 mi fa piacere che google abbia tradotto bene i miei pensieri. Anche io uso google per “capire” i tuoi pensieri. Il mio inglese non è proprio il massimo…Ciao Silky ti mando un caro saluto da Pompei
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You’re living dangerously, Giuseppe. 😀 I hear that the volcano is showing small signs of life again. O_O
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Purtroppo è vero. Il Vesuvio e la zona dei Campi Flegrei soprattutto tra bacoli e Pozzuoli mostrano evidenti segni di attività legata al fenomeno del bradisismo. In pratica la lava che spinge verso l’alto la crosta terreste con conseguente abbassamento del livello del mare.
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Theta a lot to discuss here. I think the only thing I can add is that going men’s views of porn / sex / women is based on other men’s views and they’re not going to teach them what they need.
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