FINALLY… I got the new Silk Cords website launched this morning! It still needs some fleshing out and polishing in a few spots. I got several posts transferred over and re-written in some cases though. I even managed to set up an age gate and get a plug-in that allows me to stay compliant with all the Euro cookie rules.
As promised in an earlier post, I’ve kept the adult content completely segregated from the normal content, and intend to make sure any blog posts and notifications stay completely PG rated. There will be plenty of Erotica and talk about Sex though, along with the return of my Witchfire erotica series.
THAT was actually what caused the delay in launching. All these bright new features for WordPress are completely geared around everything on your blog being a post. The only way around that is a pretty solid knowledge of CSS code. The site will evolve as I learn there. Right now, it’s still pretty freaking awesome. How awesome?
It’ll hit you like Mjolnir:
I’m still trying to figure out how much WordPress.org ties into WordPress.com. Thus far, it seems awkward at best. All stuff to work out.
No, I didn’t bury the lead either. I’m just building anticipation.
Yesterday, I promised a rant about how bad sex seems to be an increasingly growing problem. So, it’s time to deliver.
Image via BBC.com
Porn is One ofTwo Root Causes:
We will tackle the second one in the very near future. Porn goes first because everything I see convinces me that it’s leading the way in amplifying the problem. For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s all bad, just that people are unable to put things in perspective, and differentiate what they see on their computer screen and how real life works.
With porn sites all over the internet, it’s become increasingly common for men and women to check out adult videos. The trouble here is that in a society where nobody talks to anyone anymore, it’s also where too many guys (and some women) get their impressions about what sex is supposed to be like. So what’s wrong?
Seduction and romance are completely missing for starters. That creates unrealistic expectations about what it takes to get a woman into bed, and that relationships take effort.
It Promotes a Lack of Foreplay:
Lack of foreplay is another issue. It’s been a problem forever, but has only gotten worse with the advent of internet porn. I don’t care how good you THINK you are in bed or how good you look, women are rarely ready to go at the drop of a hat. A woman’s body takes time to “warm up”, and it’s NOT a matter of “touch here, then here, then there and bang!” Erogenous zones or hot spots vary (at least in responsiveness) AND there’s a need to show emotion too. Even if it’s just a casual hookup, she wants to feel deeply physically desired.
image via Astroglide.com
I also covered foreplay in a previous post or two. The advantages to it are that the more you take the time to get her turned on, the more intense and frequent her orgasms will be. It promotes physical intimacy, increased desire and lowered inhibitions. That last part means she’s less likely to turn down any kinky ideas you may have. No still means no however.
Even in Porn, Orgasms Are Sometimes Faked:
Yes, believe it or not, it’s true. This is an example of how Viagra has actually hurt the adult industry as well. Porn companies can hire pretty boys with no skill, give them the Viagra and throw them in front of a camera. Meg Ryan was MOSTLY right in “When Harry Met Sally” that it’s hard to tell if a woman is faking an orgasm… unless she’s so not into the act that she only goes through the motions of even faking the orgasm. I’m seeing it fairly often in porn nowadays. Here’s a few things to look for:
Her nipples never get fully erect, and no goosebumps around them.
Her “moaning” sounds mechanical
Her body never tenses up when she orgasms
She quickly separates herself from him after he finishes, sometimes barely hiding a look of disdain.
None of these are perfect indicators, except maybe the last one. The gal in the pic above, for example, doesn’t have fully erect nipples. She DOES have goosebumps all around them however. Generally speaking though, even a woman without responsive boobs will have her nipples fully erect as she gets close to and during a strong orgasm. Likewise a weak orgasm may not lead to muscles tensing up, but a good orgasm generally does.
My point here is that if even the porn star with the giant dick can’t make them cum half the time, porn probably isn’t the best learning material.
Porn Almost Always Minimizes Sexual Technique:
This one requires little explanation. Suffice it to say that there is MUCH more to sex than size or putting it in and pounding away. Size helps, especially when it comes to reaching “the Deep Spot”, just below the cervix. Too big hits the cervix and causes her pain however. IF you doubt me, watch and see how rare it is for a “giant” guy to get fully “balls deep” into the actress he’s partnered with for a scene. They’ll typically end up in positions that don’t allow full penetration.
LONG story short, even if you can get orgasms out of her with just pounding away, you’ll get more frequent and intense orgasms via skills like the Coital Alignment Technique and other Eastern tricks I’m aware of (and will share eventually).
Porn Vastly Distorts Domination and Submission:
What I’m talking about here is that porn always seems to eliminate consent and trust building aspect of a real Dom (or Domme) and Sub relationship. What always seems to end up being portrayed instead is rough sex with little or no consent. When tried out in the real world, this can lead to damaged trust or even domestic violence and sexual assault charges.
Rough sex isn’t really my thing, BUT as long as it’s consensual that’s all good and well. However, while domination MAY include rough sex, rough sex is NOT domination. I think this “meme” says it best:
THAT kind of relationship takes trust built on honest and open communication by both parties and a realization by the would be dominant that it’s their job to make the submissive feel safe and nurtured, not just use her as a fuck toy. When a woman submits as described above, it’s because she’s developed a deep trust that she will be safe, protected and is truly treasured.
That “fuck toy” mentality is what I’ve seen more and more of over the years however. I’ve counseled several women that wanted to explore their submissive side but were being pursued by predators who told them if they were submissive they had to obey immediately and without question. Those were abusers who can’t handle a real relationship, NOT dominants.
Likewise, grabbing a woman’s throat has become so en vogue that it’s in almost every video out there now. NEVER do that without talking about it ahead of time, even if it’s just holding without choking. You can scare the hell out of a woman that way. Autoerotic asphyxiation attempts are even scarier, and have occasionally resulted in death on top of failing at hitting that more intense orgasm. The woman that’s truly into being choked is fairly rare. In my opinion, if you don’t get permission first, you belong in jail.
Porn Creates Unrealistic Expectations For Women Also:
No, I’m not talking about body image. That’s a given anymore with porn actresses often having unnaturally large boobs, rears, eyelashes and even lips now. I see little need to beat that dead horse any further.
I’m talking about sexual performance. There are multiple angles here also. First there’s expecting the guy to go an hour like the porn star. Nevermind the porn star is on Viagra, and doing that starlet in front of the camera has probably become mundane as a gynecologist’s job is to him or her.
For her, there are possible expectations of wild flexibility, deep throating (which can leave her throat raw and sore), and having the leg strength to ride cowgirl for extended periods of time. What II find can be more frustrating for the guys however, is the belief that once she’s on her back or being taken from behind that she can just turn into a pillow princess (the new polite term for a dead lay).
Yes, Ladies, I’m picking on you a little here as well. If you want to keep your partner happy, it’s not enough to just lay there and (fake?) orgasm. Kissing, caressing, and communicating are also important. Probably the most important “trick” you can learn is to be able to keep a grip down there by doing your kegels or similar pelvic floor strengthening exercises. Done right, that move can put YOU in control even if you’re a submissive being bent over the edge of the bed by your dom.
Conclusion:
It’s quite simple. Never substitute porn for genuine technique and passion if not love or affection. Open and honest communication is vital as well to maintaining a healthy, happy relationship in and out of bed. In fact, LACK of communication is the other factor in bad sex, and I’ll be discussing that soon.
I’m at a brief impasse writing fiction thanks to my rude neighbors, so I thought a little ‘sex-ed’ might be fun.
I’m going to write this for girls and guys. For some girls, orgasms from nipple or breast play come easy. According to research though, less than a third of women have ever experienced an orgasm this way. Soooo… some advice here seems appropriate. Guys… While it’s much more rare, but it can apparently happen for you also. HOWEVER, my goal here is to teach you how to give her an orgasm this way.
The first thing for both guys and gals to understand is that this is NOT a myth, nor something only a few blessed woman get to experience. Breasts, particularly the nipples are connected to the same area of the brain that processes genital stimulation. That, in turn, means that the breasts are connected to the vagina. That’s why really good sex can have that erotic lightning zipping between the two. Even more astounding, the research indicated there was little difference in the brain between real and imagined stimulation (presumably if the imagination was vivid enough anyway). THAT is important when we get to talking about the mental aspects of sex.
For Her:
Let’s start with the VERY basic; make peace with your breasts. What do I mean? Society has numerous toxic messages regarding body image. Big breasts = airheaded bimbo, small breasts = no sex drive, not feminine, etc… Probably a hundred others I could list. I did a little bit of a rant about this recently. If you’re comfortable in your own skin, awesome. That’s as it should be. If you’re self-conscious about your breasts though, you will have mental blocks that prevent you from enjoying them being touched. Your identity and your sexuality can be enhanced by your breasts, but they do NOT define you as a woman. It’s all about accepting who you are, and learning to work what you’ve got at a level of mild to wild dress and style that YOU are comfortable with. Whatever their size or shape, your girls are uniquely yours. Own them, be proud of them.
The next step should be natural; take time to truly explore your breasts. You can’t tell or guide a guy how to touch you if you don’t truly know your body yourself. Believe me, most guys DO need guidance too, (as most of you can probably also attest to). Yet as bad as guys are with a woman’s body, women sometimes are also guilty of going straight for what they know works when self-pleasuring. Nipples, kitty, maybe inner thighs, and bang!
A little anecdote here about how you (or somebody else) can surprise yourself; my best friend in high school and college had her first boobgasm when she was 23 and doing post-graduate work in college, despite having a reasonably healthy sex life for years. She had a new boyfriend at that point, and he adored her boobs. She said she about died of shock when it happened, and then nearly did again when she found out she was responsive enough to have multiple orgasms that way. She had, up till that point, believed that boobgasms were a myth. All it took was the right touch.
Take the time to explore your breasts. Use different pressures, different parts of your hand, etc… as you explore different parts of them. As the picture below shows, breasts have several major nerves in them:
Aside from the nipples, the lower quadrants; especially the lower outer TEND to be very responsive, particularly to light caresses. Likewise, smaller breasts TEND to be more responsive than large ones because the nerves aren’t spread out over as large an area. Every woman is different though! Some will have more nerves, some will have them closer to the surface, some won’t. Take time and truly enjoy learning what makes your girls unique. Women who do can often have boobgasms solo.
Next, ladies… When it comes to activities with a partner; COMMUNICATE! Men are NOT mind readers, no matter how much it’s wished for. Other women can be slow picking up clues sometimes as well. Communicate gently and clearly though. The male ego is typically extremely fragile when it comes to the bedroom. “A little lower, gently baby”, will get you what you want from all but the most selfish partner, whereas “not like that, you ass!” is only going to cause a fight.
If you can get a partner to the point of understanding how to touch your breasts, you can even make a sexy game out of teaching them to explore your body. That will only lead to better foreplay and orgasms as they learn to equate that foreplay with increased desire from you.
I almost forgot… Remember that whole no difference between imagination and real stimulation? It’s true. Your brain can’t tell real sensory input from deeply imagined input. I imagine (lol) thinking your way to an orgasm would take a great deal of training. However, you can help intensify the physical stimulation by both vividly imagining the process and REALLY paying attention to your body’s sensations. That means tuning out the iPhone, etc… completely. NOTHING exists but the physical pleasure you’re feeling and your partner, IF present.
As a last note before moving to the guys, lets talk about BDSM and your boobs. Nipple clamps, binding the breasts, etc… Some people are into that. Reality is though, that you’re killing the long-term responsiveness of your breasts for some short-term kink. Go light on that kind of fun if you want your breasts to stay responsive (and avoid them becoming prematurely saggy in the case of the tight binding). If you’re into that, it’s all good. Just be aware that there will likely be long term effects.
On a vaguely related note, nipple piercings can make nipples quite responsive, but I haven’t found any long term studies on their effects on breast health or responsiveness.
For Him:
OK guys, as with the recent rant, I’m going to start with the “why you should care” here. If you read the gal’s section it should be obvious though. The more you LEARN to touch her the right way,the more frequently you’re likely to see her likethis:
Contrary to all the macho nonsense out there, you’re NOT born a sex god, and thrilling her takes more than just size or pounding away. There’s ZERO shame there though. The only shame is in not learning to properly drive her crazy and have her screaming your name.
The thing that you all should understand about foreplay is that women are USUALLY slower to warm up, BUT if you take that time, once she truly gets going, she will be eager to give as much or more than she gets. Barriers and inhibitions have a way of slipping away once needs are met. Again, generalities here, so don’t assume foreplay will get you past a woman’s hard boundaries.
Another benefit of foreplay for you guys; if she’s on the verge of an orgasm or already had a few before you enter her, she’s more likely to be understanding about any stamina problems you might have since she will have had her release.
So, to keep it simple, QUALITY foreplay = more sex and better sex. That’s why you should want to learn.
Touching: Again, if you read the ladies’ section, you have an idea WHERE to touch her breasts. Now let’s talk about HOW. Porn is a BAD teacher here, and is exactly the opposite way to coax desire, responsiveness and orgasms out of a woman. Handling breasts roughly is probably almost as unpleasant as rough treatment of your cock is. Same with chewing on nipples. Look at all the nerves in that pic above, and how they ALL go to the nipples.
So what do you do? As a general rule, a woman’s breasts, and most anywhere else on her body, respond to the lightest touch possible at first. Start with the outer areas of her breasts, and use a feather-soft touch to circle and explore them. Slowly work your way inward. Watch for signs of her body getting warmed up; goose bumps, heavier breathing, aroused looks… her breasts may even swell slightly with stimulation. As she warms up, you can be a little more firm in how you handle her body. If you graduate to massaging her breasts, be gentle but firm. Caress them as much as knead them. If she wants it rougher, she’ll let you know.
A side note here about erogenous zones also: While there are certain spots on a woman’s body that are a bit more responsive than others, reality is a woman’s ENTIRE body is an erogenous zone IF you touch her correctly. Part of this is because sex is as much mental as physical for a woman. Even if she’s not yet at a point of needing to feel love from you, she at least wants to feel truly desired (and as a unique woman, not as a vagina).
Kissing: Yes, some ways are better than others here also. Start out with SOFT kisses around her breasts and work slowly towards her nipples. Tease her nipples lightly with your tongue. use soft, open mouth kisses and let her feel the heat of your mouth. Blow lightly on her nipples. Save firmer kisses and suckling her nipples until after she’s warmed up a little . If it happens faster than you expected, she’ll let you know she’s ready for more.
If you REALLY want to drive her crazy, use sex being mental for her against her. Use all the tricks above to let her feel you’re incredibly hungry for her, BUT use your self control and make a game of seeing how far you can build her own desires. Caress her everywhere except between her legs, whisper sexy things in her ear… Try to get her to outright beg you to take her. This IS a game you have to be careful with though. A few women react negatively to it, primarily ones with dominant personalities. We’re getting off topic here though.
Ask and Listen: You CAN do these and still maintain a strong appearance. It’s all in how you ask. Simply project a strong, yet caring attitude when you ask “like this?”, or harder, gentler, or whatever. It’s all in the tonality. As long as you don’t sound weak, scared or lacking in confidence, all but the most bitchy woman is going to respect that you’re trying to meet her needs and thus feel closer to you.
NEVER blame her if you’re not getting the desired response either. Almost nothing damages a woman’s self-esteem or her feelings for you like that does. Ask what you can do differently, and if it does turn out to be that she’s just not responsive, try other things and areas.
Past of “listening” means responding to body cues also. If she keeps backing her breast away from you as you’re giving it attention, it probably has gotten too sensitive. That MAY or MAY NOT have to do with how you handled it. Try switching to the other breast if you get that cue. Better yet, alternate so neither one feels neglected. 😉
Be aware of body changes too. Almost a side note here, but remember that even after you’ve learned a woman’s body, it’s sensitivity changes somewhat. Certain times of the month, her breasts will be more sensitive than usual. Communicate, and watch for body ques.
Enjoy the Learning Process! It can be fun exploring her body and learning to press as many buttons as you possibly can, if you approach it with a positive attitude. Make a game of it. Here’s one I’ve used in a few stories and is a personal favorite, it’s a four step game:
A) If he can get her nipples hard and her breathing heavy or moaning from kissing her, she loses her top and bra
B) If he can then give her at least one boobgasm, her pants or skirt come off
C) If he next can finger her to at least two more orgasms, her undies come off.
D) If he can then orally pleasure her to three more orgasms, her body is his.
Clothed areas on her body are NOT allowed to be touched, with the exception of being able to move to fingering her in step 3. Once a body part is naked, it’s fair game for additional stimulation though, so her back can be caressed when her top is off and her inner thighs are fair game once her pants or skirt is off (as examples). For step one though, he has to work those kisses only on her lips, face and neck. Orgasms don’t have to be earth shaking either, (bonus points if they are, lol), just strong enough to be recognized as such.
Common sense and mutual consent dictate what happens IF he makes it past step 4 also. Same with any other rules that you may want to set such as does she have to undress for him if she loses a piece of clothes, OR does he get to undress her. That goes beyond breast play, but is a great example of the kind of fun games you can create to make learning fun.
Girls, assuming you’re reading this far, and you want something simpler, maybe reward him with a favorite position or kink (ie tie your wrists to the bed posts) if he gives you that boobgasm. It’s all in what’s mutually enjoyable fun for both of you.
So yes, learning can be very sexy fun. Learning to be a real sex god is much better than just thinking you are and have women talking about you behind your back also. Trust me, girls DO talk too. Some are much kinder about it than others but the vast majority of girls do discuss the quality of their sex life with their girlfriends and female family members. Take the time to make sure that she’s either telling them you’re a stud or that she’s not saying anything so she knows she’s got you to herself. 😉
So what has me interested in talking about boobs, you ask? It’s because of my work on my revamped Witchfire erotica series here, AND some past verbal brawls on Twitter.
Twitter is where it all started. Back when I had an account there and had first decided to try to make a go of writing Erotica to sell, I ran into a boatload of opinionated people. On Twitter? Shocking, right? LOL. The most annoying group was a gaggle of busybody would-be erotica authors that constantly trashed others’ writing. Men got it really bad from them.
I did a rant in the ‘safe’ blog about how I thought they were being narrow-minded and losing out on half the population as potential customers. I’ll skip repeating that here. Long story short, I try to write to appeal to both men and women. I also don’t mind missing out on the extreme elements of either gender.
Trying to work up physical descriptions along with unique turn-ons and hot spots for each character in the Witchfire series got me to thinking just how silly so much of adult entertainment, AND some of the debates around it are. It’s not just men who are clueless about boobs, for example. And believe me, 95% of them are… Women are nearly as bad. There are several reports that somewhere between 45% and 55% of Western women are wearing incorrectly sized bras. Many of the articles out there advocating that bras are bad for breast health are written BY WOMEN also.
Just as an FYI; poor fitting bras are bad. Properly fitting ones prevent sagging and tearing of connective tissue holding the breasts to the rib cage.
If you’re a ‘big’ girl, a properly fitting bra can better distribute the twins’ weight across your shoulders and save some major back aches.
Getting back to erotica and porn though… Part of the reason I made Krystal / Witchfire a normal sized gal in a world full of giant boobed superheroines was to put a dent in the “bigger is better” myth. Big boobs certainly have their charms and some of the stereotypes about them are true
Trying to inject a little humor here. 😀
But aside from personal preferences, most of the ideas about big boobs are a myth. Just like all women are unique, boobs are too. Sex drive and performance has NOTHING to do with boob size for starters. It’s simply a societal thing in many parts of the world that a big breasted woman is expected to be more sexual.
As for sensitivity, small boobs are GENERALLY more sensitive because the nerve endings in them are closer together. They’re not spread out over a greater surface area. Breast sensitivity also has alot to do with genetics and how close to the surface those nerve endings end up being. My BFF in high school was a good example there. She was almost as big as the “Epic Boobs” girl above and had crazy sensitive boobs. Some women also are more sensitive on different parts of the breasts. The lower outside quadrant being almost as common as nipples. Again, it all depends on where the nerves ended up thanks to her genetics.
Truth though; almost ANY woman can have the fabled “boobgasm” if their boobs are handled properly. Sadly, porn teaches men to treat boobs like a chew toy or a stress ball. Some girls may like their boobs handled a little more firmly, but nobody likes them mangled. A woman is also far more likely to melt from a light fingertip tracing around her nipple than pinching and pulling it.
And Then There’s Dicks…
Dare we even talk about the giant penis thing in porn also? Talk about a myth! Too big hurts as it’s rammed into the cervix. Don’t believe me? Look at some of that giant wiener porn and see how far the guy actually goes into the girl. Usually only half way. Just like a penis, a vagina varies in size, so every woman is different, and you can’t necessarily judge by how tall she is either.
Truth here, guys? The ideal size for a woman is one that can fill her almost completely when you’re hilted, but stop short of hitting her cervix. So, yes, size DOES matter, but not as much as you think. Technique matters just as much, maybe a little more.
Hot Spots and Foreplay:
Sadly a lost art even in women’s romance novels, nevermind porn itself. Guys, and gals also, you owe it to yourself and your partner to take the time to thoroughly explore their body. Everybody is different, and they will have slightly different sensitivity in each erogenous zone. Each hot spot MAY only respond if touched a certain way also. It’s your job to figure it all out. Learn what makes them tick and how to fully push those buttons.
I can hear the guys out there saying “why bother”, etc…
I’ll tell you why. Because as good as you THINK you are with your cock, enough foreplay before getting started will make her reactions FAR more intense. A woman you’ve taken the time to FULLY satisfy and show you care enough about her needs to take that time, also becomes much more uninhibited sexually. Typically she’ll be eager to show you how much she appreciates it. If not, you probably have the wrong girl.
Instead of treating getting her properly aroused as a waste of time, take it as a challenge to see how turned on you can make her before entering her. Push her buttons. See if you can make her beg (don’t push it if it ain’t her thing!). See if you can get her so turned on that she climaxes as soon as you enter her.
So yeah… Maybe our porn and erotica would be better and have more universal appeal if our sex education and willingness to please our partners on every level was better.
That’s right. It’s been months, but she’s finally back. This chapter is the first of two leading into the time travel pseudo-reboot that I’ve been discussing here.
I also have a special treat for readers. I let ComixFana co-author this chapter with me. ComixFana wrote the sex scene for this one as well as collaborating the reactions of his character “Sully” in the rest of the story. His input was invaluable in finishing up this chapter and getting me working on the series again.
This seems to be a small trend; letting characters take over the writer’s blog or doing interviews. Given that Krystal is every bit a fiery redhead, I’m choosing to play it safe and just interview her, lol.
Warning: This will be PG-13 with some talk about sex.
Me: OK, Witchfire and I have already agreed to put aside the metaphysical debate about how much I may be controlling her life and how much is me watching and reporting. This is going to be strictly about the lady in question and her trials. So with that said, let’s start out with something easy; what was life like for you before Delta City?
Witchfire: Overall, not too bad. Roanoke is sort of a small town… Not quite 100,000 people. Between that and being in the mountains of Virginia, it’s a fairly conservative place. It was a bit awkward once my aptitude for magick started to surface.
Me: Did you get picked on alot?
Witchfire: A little… I just knew instinctively to keep it a secret that I could sense things and do stuff. That kind of ability tends to get noticed though on some intuitive level. There were no “burn the witch” events, but there were a few mean girls that picked on me for being “weird” and different.
Me: So, when did all that start?
Witchfire: I first started being able to “know” things about 7 or 8. My abilities didn’t start to truly bloom till I was 12 though. Then weird things started happening around me at random and the bullying started. Shortly after that, my parents moved us away from Roanoke to San Francisco.
Me: And How did that go for you?
Witchfire: OK, I suppose… Adjusting to a bigger city was hard at first. My parents thought I’d get less grief for being unusual in a bigger town. Mean girls are the same everywhere though. When I was 14, I met a group of girls that were into Wicca and I joined their coven. Things started to get better at that point. I felt more in control of my abilities and all the weird random stuff stopped happening around me.
Me: I’m curious. Was there any indication that either of your parents had any magical aptitude? We now know that some of your ability is hereditary after all.
Witchfire: Nothing was ever said publicly but I suspect my mom was at least a little intuitive. Overall though, they either hid everything very well, or the gift skipped a generation as sometimes happens.
Me: You mentioned in the first chapter that the mean girls were part of why you didn’t like Ms. Americana and the She-Legion at first. Care to elaborate on that?
Witchfire: …They were mean and had a serious superior attitude. I wasn’t about to take that from girls who spent most of their time on their back.
Me: How do you feel about them now?
Witchfire: They’re… Growing on me. As I see more of how the deck has been stacked against them all along, I can empathize with their plight. I’m hoping we can win the day in the end. Not just so I can go home either.
Me: What about a certain busty Jessica Simpson look alike?
Witchfire: You had to bring up Amazing Babe, didn’t you? <long pause> It’s hard. I… love her. We’ve struggled so much though… Miscommunication, fights over stupid shit. After what just happened also, I don’t…
Me: <Interrupting> No spoilers. That hasn’t been
released yet.
Witchfire: Fine. I didn’t want to talk about it
anyway. I… just think it’s best I stay away from her for everyone’s
sake.
Me: It seems like you’ve had a pretty rough love life, with the
Chinese boyfriend and all…
Witchfire: That part sucked. Most of it was just typical
clumsy, angsty teen stuff though. I lost my virginity at 15 to a boy from
my history class. Normal awkward first time stuff for modern kids, for
better or worse.
Me: Interesting wording there at the end. It seems out of
place with the sensual witch readers have come to know.
Witchfire: I’m a redhead and the type of fairy I’m descended
from has a very passionate, sexual nature as well. Truth? I love
sex and an intense orgasm even more than magick. I still like to be
selective in who I share my body with though. And yes, I wish I’d waited
a little longer for my first time. I think I would have been better able
to emotionally handle it.
Me: Fair enough. So when did your interest in other girls
kick in? Was it the stereotypical other witch in your coven thing?
Witchfire: No. Gawd that is such a tired cliche, almost as
bad as witches all being satanists instead of pagans. Wicca may tend to
attract lesbians and bisexual women like me, but we’re not all lesbians, nor
are gatherings an excuse for an orgy.
Me: Fair enough. The question did give you a chance to
clear the air though. So back to the earlier question then…
Witchfire: I think I knew as soon as puberty started to hit that
I felt drawn to other girls too. Being from such a conservative town
though, I buried that curiosity until I was 16. Things just sort of
happened at that point with a girl I’d met. It was an amazing first
experience, but her family found out. They freaked out and did all they
could to keep us apart. They even moved away months later.
Me: This may be a bit rough to answer, but where does the
infamous Chinese boyfriend fit into everything and how much can you tell the
audience about him?
Witchfire: David came along right after the forced split with Amber…
the girl I just mentioned. His family had just moved into the
neighborhoo. He was tall, muscular, really cute… and caught me on the
rebound. It was fun at first. He taught me Cantonese, helped with
my Wing Chun, and shared other aspects of the culture as well as showering me
with attention.
As time went on though, he became
more controlling. His parents, who tolerated me at first, grew
increasingly cruel also. I guess it was OK if I was just a passing fancy,
but they didn’t want any gweilo getting her hooks into their number one
son. Things came to a head when I demanded he stand up to his parents or
I’d leave him. He told me I belonged to him and that I needed to learn my
place, then… he raped me.
Me: Wow, I’m sorry. It shows alot of strength to have
bounced back from that.
Witchfire: It was that or just give up on life. I’m a
fighter. That’s what pissed me off about Golden Qilin though. She
was a similar bad refection on a good race of people.
Me: I think folks have a pretty good idea of the events that
shaped your life now. Likewise, I assume that college was an attempt to
spread your wings. Possibly the usual college sexual explorations too…
Witchfire: Yep. Again, I’m pretty typical in that
regard. Not every superhero has Earth shattering events in their
background. The closest thing to any excitement was when I turned 21, I
started tending bar at a local beach side place to make some spending
money. That helped me get the job inn Sanctuary, I guess.
Me: You’re still 21… Almost 22 though, so not long at
that job.
Witchfire: Long enough to learn the ropes, and have an occasional bit
of fun along the way.
Me: From the smirk on your face, I doubt I’m going to get you
to elaborate. This is becoming a long interview anyway. Hopefully
the readers appreciate it though. So, let’s move on. I’d ask
what Delta City has been like for you, but I think our readers know you’ve had
a pretty rough time. You’ve shown alot of strength and determination
too. Are you optimistic at this point about your ability to change things
in Delta for the better?
Witchfire: I think we’ve made some real progress at unmasking the
conspiracy. Between that and the upcoming time jump, I’m feeling really
good about our chances. Going back with that knowledge should help
loads. I doubt it’ll be a cakewalk. Whoever these people are,
they’re well trained, well connected and well informed. We’ll have a good
chance now though.
Me: So, you plan on changing it all thus far?
Witchfire: As much as I can. No more She-Legion drugged into
treating me like crap, and there’s no way that damned giant plant or Ivanova
are getting anywhere near my vajayjay again, period.
Me: You left The Geek out. Should I read anything into
that?
Witchfire: Only that a small part of me would like a rematch so I can
show him who owns who before I break his nose and take him to prison. I
doubt I could live with myself afterwards though
Me: Hmmm. You seem pretty upset about him getting the
better of you early on.
Witchfire: What the hell do you mean by that?
Me: Well, let’s face it… The plant had aphrodisiac
spores. Ivanova had his vampire mind and sex tricks. How you
reacted there is explainable. The Geek is just a smart punk. He had
your number without any powers or funky spores. Are you just mad that he
beat you or is the fact he was able to push some dark buttons in you what
bothers you?
Witchfire: My submissive streak? Is that what you’re
hinting at? Pffft. It’s a minor kink. Getting
controlled does excite me… with the right person, but I decide who that is
and if I let myself go. He… just got lucky. It was some kind of
freak occurrence that he was able to make me cum like that! No way in
hell it could or will ever happen again either. Period.
Me: OK, ok… point made. Let’s move things along.
What was your best positive sexual experience in Delta City?
Witchfire: Keeping up with the kink huh?
Me: Well, it is an erotica story and you do get laid pretty
regularly… Somebody has to have really wowed you…
Witchfire: Hmmm… I guess that would have to be when Dani
grabbed my astral form and pulled me into her body while she was having sex
with Berto. Experiencing everything she did at the same time I was
feeling it from my own body too… It was pure sexual lightning. I
was on overload.
Me: Sounds intense alright. Is that what prompted you to
grab Berto later for some play time?
Witchfire: That and the hungry looks he kept giving me. He
wanted it more than I did, and I could feel it. It was exciting.
Me: So, would you do things differently at this point?
You did say you’d change as much as possible after all.
Witchfire: I do regret that the bet hurt Dani. She really didn’t
think he’d stray. At the same time, she did tempt fate though.
Never make a bet you’re not prepared to lose. I know… I sound heartless
there. Yes, I’d probably do that part differently. I’d work on
getting Dani to experience the pleasures of some girl on girl fun also. I
let her off the hook too easily last time.
Me: Any other planned conquests?
Witchfire: I really want to get Omega Woman into bed,
still. Even if it’s only once. Every time I look at her I start
getting wet and an erotic shiver runs through me.
Me: Is that it?
Witchfire: I think that’s enough for the interview anyway. I’m
worried we’re going to start blurring the lines between a powerful libido and
being loose. I admit I’m wild, but I don’t want your audience thinking
I’m a total slut.
Me: OK then, feel like sticking around to answer some questions
from the readers?
Witchfire: Alright, so long as it’s not more questions about who I
want to get laid by.
I teased this a couple of posts ago, and I suppose its time to pay it off. I’m not getting any sleep tonight either with a pack of teenage hooligans roaming the neighborhood on foot for since 1:30am
So long story short, I’ve spent my down time trying to figure out why I was feeling so frustrated, (and thus burnt out) with my writing before my long break. I came to a couple of conclusions: I wasn’t writing for me, I was overly concerned about offending people, and I’m still trying to find my exact niche on writing.
The not writing for me thing is ironic, since during my time on twitter, I was constantly encouraging people and telling them that if THEY don’t enjoy what they’re writing, it will show through in their writing and it won’t be their best work. I’ve studied public speaking and communication, and let myself get too wrapped up in the admonitions to tailor your communication to your audience. That’s fine if you have a specific audience you’re reaching out to. When you’re trying to write something that will appeal to wider demographics though, you have to set those admonitions aside to a degree and be true to yourself. Otherwise your writing or words won’t be genuine. People pick up on that too, at least on a subconscious level.
Twitter was a horrible experience for me in terms of creating that worry about offending people. Despite all the talk about how great the writing community is, I saw alot of clique behavior. Erotica authors aren’t real writers. If you do this in your erotica (such as mentioning bra sizes), you’re a crappy writer and I won’t read you, etc…
The main gaggle of female erotica authors would even ghost you if you didn’t support their beliefs that women shouldn’t be held to any conduct, dress, etc… standards and similar extreme SJW ideas. heaven help you if you supported a male erotica author also. Kind of sad really.
I could (and maybe will do) a whole separate post on my thoughts there. It does impact my writing after all. LONG story short however, suffice it to say I do believe in women’s sexual empowerment, but I also believe in common sense limits on everything. Wear a short, tight dress and flaunt what you’ve got for example. Just don’t get mad if you’re dressing sexy and guys (or other women) flirt with you or check you out. You have EVERY right to be completely safe dressed like that. No should always mean no as well. How you dress does nothing to change that. Getting bitchy when you get harmless attention when you’re dressing to get attention is immature at best though.
As much as I love sex and sensuality, I also believe some things belong behind closed doors. That’s another thing that seems to set me apart at least from some of the younger erotica authors. I’m libertarian enough to believe anything kinky you want to do behind closed doors is fine. Common decency and general self respect dictate some things should stay private, not flaunted in public though. Bottom line, I’ve learned to stop caring what the twitter crowd thinks. Shame since Twitter could be a good marketing tool.
Then there’s the whole finding my niche thing. My Witchfire stories have been an attempt to see if I could combine superheroes and erotica in a real way. The trouble with that specific genre is that the internet is loaded with sites catering to pubescent boys and outright misogynists, that glorify raping superheroines and “putting them in their place”. They completely dehumanize woman, and mock strong, capable women. That’s the last thing I want to contribute to.
At the same time, you have women fighting the worst elements of humanity in these stories, so there’s a question realism with never having it happen. My original thinking was to keep it rare, not glorify it, and also have the heroine(s) escape / turn the tables, or at least get back at their attackers later. Avoiding it entirely would be easy if I was only writing a sexy story. I have been trying to spin a real, ongoing story between the sex scenes though. Intrigue, personality conflicts, human problems, etc…
Part of the problem with Witchfire was that I was rushing the content also. I think it made the story chapters far more sloppy than they should have been, and took a few aspects of the stories in directions I didn’t intend to go also. If I pick up work there again, I’m likely to start over from scratch and treat the existing content thus far as rough drafts.
I admit, I’ve also felt dirty at times writing erotica. My sexy, passionate side is balanced by a fairly strong religious and spiritual side as well. To thine own self be true however. I can’t pretend the sexy side doesn’t exist. I have a real talent for smut also, lol. I know ultimately I’d like to evolve into more of a mainstream fiction writer who includes some very racy scenes. Yes, the unicorn known as porn with a plot for you cynical people, LOL. Getting there means accepting all of me though, and seeing what that allows me to grow into.
And there you have it. My continuing path to self-realization thus far as a would be author.
I’ve already made a few posts today. I did say I was going to talk about that other recent Twitter notification that bothered me though.
It was one going around the erotica authors’ circle on Twitter. It was all about how women were supposedly educating men about what horrible erotica authors they are and laughing at their “stupid” mistakes. Not the first time I’ve seen such a post either. During my few months on twitter, I found the erotica authors to be pretty judgmental and negative in general. The key words there are “IN GENERAL”. There are some wonderful, supportive and talented women (and men) there also. I adore Ava Sterling and Aurora Blue in particular. They’ve been helpful since the beginning.
OK, getting back to the subject, let’s be real. There are quite a few bad male erotica authors out there. What the ladies are NOT understanding though is that their way or view is NOT the only way. I had a blog post about this in the past. There was an article in The Atlantic magazine how authors had to write consent in romance novels. The idea being essentially that if you didn’t have written and signed consent at every step of the way, you were writing and advocating rape. Here’s that blog post:
My comments there are enough said. Another example I saw in the past was a snarky agreement among some that if bra or genital sizes were mentioned, they immediately stopped reading and the story was trash. “What did they do, take out a measuring tape at that point?” was one reply. What they were missing is that some people, particularly if they”re in fields that require regular measuring and sizing such as seamstresses and tailors, clothing sales people, construction and automotive workers, and even people that do crafty type things as hobbies, tend to be able to measure very accurately by eyesight. It’s not unrealistic at all. Overall, I’d agree that general size descriptors and leaving things to imagination is probably a little better though.
So where do I think the issues are being seen all wrong? The ladies are missing a chance to grow their audience. Men DO buy and read erotica also. I get email from men and women both on my writing.
Saying “women don’t stand in front of mirrors and compare their boobs to fruit” misses the reality that men tend to be highly visual creatures and competition / comparison driven. They care about things like are a female character’s boobs “pear shaped” or perfectly round and firm *cough*fakeboobs*cough* (lol). They want to know who’s boobs are bigger and by how much also. When you understand the male mindset, you can tailor your writing just a little so that you appeal more to them as well. Bang, your sales go up.
The whole idea of “teaching” men by belittling them is only going to backfire also. For all their bravado, men have fragile egos, especially where women are concerned. They’re also trained to suppress emotion early on, so they’re rarely all that intuitive, BUT they also are eager to please.
So here’s a tip, girls, both as authors and for relationships. All you’ve got to do to get a decent guy to do what you want is ask nicely or gently suggest. In the case of writing erotica, give them better, more natural ways to help relay visual information. Explain to them that the act isn’t about rutting either when you’re a woman. It’s about intimacy, emotional connection, and a primal need to feel desired, like that male character would sacrifice anything to have our heroine. When an erotica author can impart all of those male and female perspective elements into a story, I think the sky is the limit.
Again, same holds true with relationships. Too many women complain about men being clueless, and expect them to know exactly how to touch them, what to say to them, etc… It takes communication. Positive communication too. “A little gentler (or rougher), oh yes!”, goes much farther with the typical clueless male than “not like that, you selfish idiot.”
A certain radio show host on relationships had it right; women have all the power in relationships (at least non-abusive ones). It just has to be used in the right way.
Silk's Erotica 