How-To Tips; The Mythical Boobgasm

I’m at a brief impasse writing fiction thanks to my rude neighbors, so I thought a little ‘sex-ed’ might be fun.

I’m going to write this for girls and guys. For some girls, orgasms from nipple or breast play come easy. According to research though, less than a third of women have ever experienced an orgasm this way. Soooo… some advice here seems appropriate. Guys… While it’s much more rare, but it can apparently happen for you also. HOWEVER, my goal here is to teach you how to give her an orgasm this way.

The first thing for both guys and gals to understand is that this is NOT a myth, nor something only a few blessed woman get to experience. Breasts, particularly the nipples are connected to the same area of the brain that processes genital stimulation. That, in turn, means that the breasts are connected to the vagina. That’s why really good sex can have that erotic lightning zipping between the two. Even more astounding, the research indicated there was little difference in the brain between real and imagined stimulation (presumably if the imagination was vivid enough anyway). THAT is important when we get to talking about the mental aspects of sex.

For Her:

Let’s start with the VERY basic; make peace with your breasts. What do I mean? Society has numerous toxic messages regarding body image. Big breasts = airheaded bimbo, small breasts = no sex drive, not feminine, etc… Probably a hundred others I could list. I did a little bit of a rant about this recently. If you’re comfortable in your own skin, awesome. That’s as it should be. If you’re self-conscious about your breasts though, you will have mental blocks that prevent you from enjoying them being touched. Your identity and your sexuality can be enhanced by your breasts, but they do NOT define you as a woman. It’s all about accepting who you are, and learning to work what you’ve got at a level of mild to wild dress and style that YOU are comfortable with. Whatever their size or shape, your girls are uniquely yours. Own them, be proud of them.

The next step should be natural; take time to truly explore your breasts. You can’t tell or guide a guy how to touch you if you don’t truly know your body yourself. Believe me, most guys DO need guidance too, (as most of you can probably also attest to). Yet as bad as guys are with a woman’s body, women sometimes are also guilty of going straight for what they know works when self-pleasuring. Nipples, kitty, maybe inner thighs, and bang!

A little anecdote here about how you (or somebody else) can surprise yourself; my best friend in high school and college had her first boobgasm when she was 23 and doing post-graduate work in college, despite having a reasonably healthy sex life for years. She had a new boyfriend at that point, and he adored her boobs. She said she about died of shock when it happened, and then nearly did again when she found out she was responsive enough to have multiple orgasms that way. She had, up till that point, believed that boobgasms were a myth. All it took was the right touch.

Take the time to explore your breasts. Use different pressures, different parts of your hand, etc… as you explore different parts of them. As the picture below shows, breasts have several major nerves in them:

Aside from the nipples, the lower quadrants; especially the lower outer TEND to be very responsive, particularly to light caresses. Likewise, smaller breasts TEND to be more responsive than large ones because the nerves aren’t spread out over as large an area. Every woman is different though! Some will have more nerves, some will have them closer to the surface, some won’t. Take time and truly enjoy learning what makes your girls unique. Women who do can often have boobgasms solo.

Next, ladies… When it comes to activities with a partner; COMMUNICATE! Men are NOT mind readers, no matter how much it’s wished for. Other women can be slow picking up clues sometimes as well. Communicate gently and clearly though. The male ego is typically extremely fragile when it comes to the bedroom. “A little lower, gently baby”, will get you what you want from all but the most selfish partner, whereas “not like that, you ass!” is only going to cause a fight.

If you can get a partner to the point of understanding how to touch your breasts, you can even make a sexy game out of teaching them to explore your body. That will only lead to better foreplay and orgasms as they learn to equate that foreplay with increased desire from you.

I almost forgot… Remember that whole no difference between imagination and real stimulation? It’s true. Your brain can’t tell real sensory input from deeply imagined input. I imagine (lol) thinking your way to an orgasm would take a great deal of training. However, you can help intensify the physical stimulation by both vividly imagining the process and REALLY paying attention to your body’s sensations. That means tuning out the iPhone, etc… completely. NOTHING exists but the physical pleasure you’re feeling and your partner, IF present.

As a last note before moving to the guys, lets talk about BDSM and your boobs. Nipple clamps, binding the breasts, etc… Some people are into that. Reality is though, that you’re killing the long-term responsiveness of your breasts for some short-term kink. Go light on that kind of fun if you want your breasts to stay responsive (and avoid them becoming prematurely saggy in the case of the tight binding). If you’re into that, it’s all good. Just be aware that there will likely be long term effects.

On a vaguely related note, nipple piercings can make nipples quite responsive, but I haven’t found any long term studies on their effects on breast health or responsiveness.

For Him:

OK guys, as with the recent rant, I’m going to start with the “why you should care” here. If you read the gal’s section it should be obvious though. The more you LEARN to touch her the right way, the more frequently you’re likely to see her like this:

Contrary to all the macho nonsense out there, you’re NOT born a sex god, and thrilling her takes more than just size or pounding away. There’s ZERO shame there though. The only shame is in not learning to properly drive her crazy and have her screaming your name.

The thing that you all should understand about foreplay is that women are USUALLY slower to warm up, BUT if you take that time, once she truly gets going, she will be eager to give as much or more than she gets. Barriers and inhibitions have a way of slipping away once needs are met. Again, generalities here, so don’t assume foreplay will get you past a woman’s hard boundaries.

Another benefit of foreplay for you guys; if she’s on the verge of an orgasm or already had a few before you enter her, she’s more likely to be understanding about any stamina problems you might have since she will have had her release.

So, to keep it simple, QUALITY foreplay = more sex and better sex. That’s why you should want to learn.

Touching: Again, if you read the ladies’ section, you have an idea WHERE to touch her breasts. Now let’s talk about HOW. Porn is a BAD teacher here, and is exactly the opposite way to coax desire, responsiveness and orgasms out of a woman. Handling breasts roughly is probably almost as unpleasant as rough treatment of your cock is. Same with chewing on nipples. Look at all the nerves in that pic above, and how they ALL go to the nipples.

So what do you do? As a general rule, a woman’s breasts, and most anywhere else on her body, respond to the lightest touch possible at first. Start with the outer areas of her breasts, and use a feather-soft touch to circle and explore them. Slowly work your way inward. Watch for signs of her body getting warmed up; goose bumps, heavier breathing, aroused looks… her breasts may even swell slightly with stimulation. As she warms up, you can be a little more firm in how you handle her body. If you graduate to massaging her breasts, be gentle but firm. Caress them as much as knead them. If she wants it rougher, she’ll let you know.

A side note here about erogenous zones also: While there are certain spots on a woman’s body that are a bit more responsive than others, reality is a woman’s ENTIRE body is an erogenous zone IF you touch her correctly. Part of this is because sex is as much mental as physical for a woman. Even if she’s not yet at a point of needing to feel love from you, she at least wants to feel truly desired (and as a unique woman, not as a vagina).

Kissing: Yes, some ways are better than others here also. Start out with SOFT kisses around her breasts and work slowly towards her nipples. Tease her nipples lightly with your tongue. use soft, open mouth kisses and let her feel the heat of your mouth. Blow lightly on her nipples. Save firmer kisses and suckling her nipples until after she’s warmed up a little . If it happens faster than you expected, she’ll let you know she’s ready for more.

If you REALLY want to drive her crazy, use sex being mental for her against her. Use all the tricks above to let her feel you’re incredibly hungry for her, BUT use your self control and make a game of seeing how far you can build her own desires. Caress her everywhere except between her legs, whisper sexy things in her ear… Try to get her to outright beg you to take her. This IS a game you have to be careful with though. A few women react negatively to it, primarily ones with dominant personalities. We’re getting off topic here though.

Ask and Listen: You CAN do these and still maintain a strong appearance. It’s all in how you ask. Simply project a strong, yet caring attitude when you ask “like this?”, or harder, gentler, or whatever. It’s all in the tonality. As long as you don’t sound weak, scared or lacking in confidence, all but the most bitchy woman is going to respect that you’re trying to meet her needs and thus feel closer to you.

NEVER blame her if you’re not getting the desired response either. Almost nothing damages a woman’s self-esteem or her feelings for you like that does. Ask what you can do differently, and if it does turn out to be that she’s just not responsive, try other things and areas.

Past of “listening” means responding to body cues also. If she keeps backing her breast away from you as you’re giving it attention, it probably has gotten too sensitive. That MAY or MAY NOT have to do with how you handled it. Try switching to the other breast if you get that cue. Better yet, alternate so neither one feels neglected. 😉

Be aware of body changes too. Almost a side note here, but remember that even after you’ve learned a woman’s body, it’s sensitivity changes somewhat. Certain times of the month, her breasts will be more sensitive than usual. Communicate, and watch for body ques.

Enjoy the Learning Process! It can be fun exploring her body and learning to press as many buttons as you possibly can, if you approach it with a positive attitude. Make a game of it. Here’s one I’ve used in a few stories and is a personal favorite, it’s a four step game:

A) If he can get her nipples hard and her breathing heavy or moaning from kissing her, she loses her top and bra

B) If he can then give her at least one boobgasm, her pants or skirt come off

C) If he next can finger her to at least two more orgasms, her undies come off.

D) If he can then orally pleasure her to three more orgasms, her body is his.

Clothed areas on her body are NOT allowed to be touched, with the exception of being able to move to fingering her in step 3. Once a body part is naked, it’s fair game for additional stimulation though, so her back can be caressed when her top is off and her inner thighs are fair game once her pants or skirt is off (as examples). For step one though, he has to work those kisses only on her lips, face and neck. Orgasms don’t have to be earth shaking either, (bonus points if they are, lol), just strong enough to be recognized as such.

Common sense and mutual consent dictate what happens IF he makes it past step 4 also. Same with any other rules that you may want to set such as does she have to undress for him if she loses a piece of clothes, OR does he get to undress her. That goes beyond breast play, but is a great example of the kind of fun games you can create to make learning fun.

Girls, assuming you’re reading this far, and you want something simpler, maybe reward him with a favorite position or kink (ie tie your wrists to the bed posts) if he gives you that boobgasm. It’s all in what’s mutually enjoyable fun for both of you.

So yes, learning can be very sexy fun. Learning to be a real sex god is much better than just thinking you are and have women talking about you behind your back also. Trust me, girls DO talk too. Some are much kinder about it than others but the vast majority of girls do discuss the quality of their sex life with their girlfriends and female family members. Take the time to make sure that she’s either telling them you’re a stud or that she’s not saying anything so she knows she’s got you to herself. 😉

Let’s Talk Boobs and Sex!

There’s an attention grabbing headline, LOL

So what has me interested in talking about boobs, you ask? It’s because of my work on my revamped Witchfire erotica series here, AND some past verbal brawls on Twitter.

Twitter is where it all started. Back when I had an account there and had first decided to try to make a go of writing Erotica to sell, I ran into a boatload of opinionated people. On Twitter? Shocking, right? LOL. The most annoying group was a gaggle of busybody would-be erotica authors that constantly trashed others’ writing. Men got it really bad from them.

I did a rant in the ‘safe’ blog about how I thought they were being narrow-minded and losing out on half the population as potential customers. I’ll skip repeating that here. Long story short, I try to write to appeal to both men and women. I also don’t mind missing out on the extreme elements of either gender.

Trying to work up physical descriptions along with unique turn-ons and hot spots for each character in the Witchfire series got me to thinking just how silly so much of adult entertainment, AND some of the debates around it are. It’s not just men who are clueless about boobs, for example. And believe me, 95% of them are… Women are nearly as bad. There are several reports that somewhere between 45% and 55% of Western women are wearing incorrectly sized bras. Many of the articles out there advocating that bras are bad for breast health are written BY WOMEN also.

Just as an FYI; poor fitting bras are bad. Properly fitting ones prevent sagging and tearing of connective tissue holding the breasts to the rib cage.

If you’re a ‘big’ girl, a properly fitting bra can better distribute the twins’ weight across your shoulders and save some major back aches.

Getting back to erotica and porn though… Part of the reason I made Krystal / Witchfire a normal sized gal in a world full of giant boobed superheroines was to put a dent in the “bigger is better” myth. Big boobs certainly have their charms and some of the stereotypes about them are true

Trying to inject a little humor here. 😀

But aside from personal preferences, most of the ideas about big boobs are a myth. Just like all women are unique, boobs are too. Sex drive and performance has NOTHING to do with boob size for starters. It’s simply a societal thing in many parts of the world that a big breasted woman is expected to be more sexual.

As for sensitivity, small boobs are GENERALLY more sensitive because the nerve endings in them are closer together. They’re not spread out over a greater surface area. Breast sensitivity also has alot to do with genetics and how close to the surface those nerve endings end up being. My BFF in high school was a good example there. She was almost as big as the “Epic Boobs” girl above and had crazy sensitive boobs. Some women also are more sensitive on different parts of the breasts. The lower outside quadrant being almost as common as nipples. Again, it all depends on where the nerves ended up thanks to her genetics.

Truth though; almost ANY woman can have the fabled “boobgasm” if their boobs are handled properly. Sadly, porn teaches men to treat boobs like a chew toy or a stress ball. Some girls may like their boobs handled a little more firmly, but nobody likes them mangled. A woman is also far more likely to melt from a light fingertip tracing around her nipple than pinching and pulling it.

And Then There’s Dicks…

Dare we even talk about the giant penis thing in porn also? Talk about a myth! Too big hurts as it’s rammed into the cervix. Don’t believe me? Look at some of that giant wiener porn and see how far the guy actually goes into the girl. Usually only half way. Just like a penis, a vagina varies in size, so every woman is different, and you can’t necessarily judge by how tall she is either.

Truth here, guys? The ideal size for a woman is one that can fill her almost completely when you’re hilted, but stop short of hitting her cervix. So, yes, size DOES matter, but not as much as you think. Technique matters just as much, maybe a little more.

Hot Spots and Foreplay:

Sadly a lost art even in women’s romance novels, nevermind porn itself. Guys, and gals also, you owe it to yourself and your partner to take the time to thoroughly explore their body. Everybody is different, and they will have slightly different sensitivity in each erogenous zone. Each hot spot MAY only respond if touched a certain way also. It’s your job to figure it all out. Learn what makes them tick and how to fully push those buttons.

I can hear the guys out there saying “why bother”, etc…

I’ll tell you why. Because as good as you THINK you are with your cock, enough foreplay before getting started will make her reactions FAR more intense. A woman you’ve taken the time to FULLY satisfy and show you care enough about her needs to take that time, also becomes much more uninhibited sexually. Typically she’ll be eager to show you how much she appreciates it. If not, you probably have the wrong girl.

Instead of treating getting her properly aroused as a waste of time, take it as a challenge to see how turned on you can make her before entering her. Push her buttons. See if you can make her beg (don’t push it if it ain’t her thing!). See if you can get her so turned on that she climaxes as soon as you enter her.

So yeah… Maybe our porn and erotica would be better and have more universal appeal if our sex education and willingness to please our partners on every level was better.