Alive!

Yes, I’m back. Real life had gotten kind of hectic. Some of that is detailed in the other, vanilla blog. That specific link will take you to my most recent post there, where I complain about feeling I can’t be myself or say what I want as a blogger. Read it if you want, if Not I understand. Be forewarned though; it is a classic redhead rant, lol.

What I’d like to dialog here about though is a calmer continuation of that whole mess as relates to sexy blogging. I have two main stumbling blocks when it comes to posting here or getting anything “adult” written.

First, as I mentioned in the other blog, there’s the worry of being judged and labeled. Doesn’t matter who you are, if you deal with erotica and similar topics, you’re either a whore or a male pig. You’d think being a redhead, I wouldn’t give a F what others think, BUT like most stereotypes, that’s all it really is. I have a fairly strong spiritual side and am an honest to goodness empath too. That last part in particular makes it hard to tune out the crap sometimes.

Second is a problem even “regular” writers face; I have to REALLY be inspired to write. In the case of erotica, that’s in the mood and able to visualize the scene almost enough that I could almost see it as I’m writing.

That second part is the bigger stumbling block by far. Those of you out there who actually find the creativity to turn out high quality stuff regularly, I’m truly jealous of.

So who has any advice? How do you turn off the worry and find inspiration? I’ve had several ideas for ages, I just haven’t been able to get them off the ground.

Humor to “Sell” Writing Cliches

After a couple of heavy topics that were both social commentary and topical (not tropical) to authors, I think we need a little lighter topic here.  This came to mind after a recent reply in LittleFears blog.  We got joking about cliches in writing and the TV show Dallas came up.

For those too young to remember, Dallas was a massive hit TV show in the 80s about a Texas oil family.  An evening soap opera really.  People who write villains defined by the power they hold can really benefit from studying Larry Hagman’s character JR Ewing too.  That was a man who knew how to manipulate and outmaneuver at every turn.

Getting back on track though, one of the things Dallas is most infamous for though was a “RetCon” where they erased an entire season to bring a character back to life.  “It was all a dream!”.

Those who have followed my blog know I generally try to avoid reproducing cliches like that in my writing.  HOWEVER, used with humor, they can be used sparingly.  Here’s an example from almost two decades ago.  As a quick set-up, Nancy was a character of mine in City of Heroes.  She was a trick archer turned telepath / telekinetic.  Over the course of time, the character got dragged into weirder and weirder collaborative stories with my gaming guild.  At one point I got so fed up, I had the character get killed.   Convinced to give everything another chance, I brought her back to Earth as an angel on probation.  Kind of a silly option on it’s own but I was young.  When nothing changed, I decided I needed a clean break and to salvage my character concept.  I took an unusual route and actually copied Dallas’s playbook.  Oh yes, and it’s a little confusing but the other character in question was Max or Maxine who sometimes went by Sonya (her middle name IIRC).

 

NANCY’S TRIP TO DALLAS

Nancy heard a strange male voice stirring her from her sleep. She slowly pushed herself to regain consciousness and wearily opened her eyes partially. The first thing she noticed was that she ached all over.

“What the?”, she thought to herself. “I don’t remember getting hurt.” “Hell, I’m dead anyway… How do you hurt an angel, even one on probation?”

She managed to focus on the dresser and the wall across the room.

“OK, it is our room…”, she thought. “So I am at home in bed with Max.”

“No, Nancy, you’re not.”, came the same male voice that had stirred her from her sleep. “It’s time to wake up too.”

“Huh?!?”, Nancy muttered. Her mind raced as she tried to place the voice. She couldn’t though, despite it sounding vaguely familiar. Oddly enough, she couldn’t mentally detect another presence in the room either.

Her arms shot over, reaching behind her for Sonya. There was nobody there however. She rolled off her side and sat bolt upright in bed. Now wide awake, she stared across the room at a man in his late 20s impeccably dressed in an expensive dark blue suit and light grey felt Stetson cowboy hat.

“Who the hell are you, what are you doing in my room and where’s my wife!?!”, Nancy demanded in a fierce tone. Slight recognition dawned on her face & her expression turned from one of anger to one of complete confusion. “Huh… wait..”, she said sounding completely bewildered. “B… Bobby Ewing???”

The man just flashed an amused smile.

“This doesn’t make any sense…”, Nancy said, trying to collect herself. “You… You’re just a TV show character.”

Bobby Ewing laughed a bit. “You’re just a fictional character in some realities also.”, he replied amusedly. “And no, this isn’t some Arachnos trick.”

“Then how…”, Nancy asked in a puzzled tone.

“I’m just a manifestation of your subconscious.”, Bobby replied. “As for the form I took, blame your parents and all those Dallas DVDs your momma watches.” Bobby grinned and chuckled slightly. “It’s fitting though, given what you’re about to find out.”

“What are you talking about?”, Nancy asked, frustration now added to her confusion.

“You’re still asleep, girl.”, Bobby replied in a more serious tone. “It’s past time you woke up though.”

“What?”, Nancy blurted out, surprised. “No, I…”

“Do yah always sleep in your costume then?”, Bobby replied.

Nancy looked down at herself and saw she was indeed wearing not just her costume, but her older one, from when she was still a member of the All Star Teen Sentinels.

“You’ve been out for a while.”, Bobby continued in a serious tone. “It’s time to return to the real world though.” “You have people that miss you and are worried sick about you.”

“No”, Nancy objected. “This is real, I am awake.”, she insisted.

She wanted to continue, but the aches in her body grew worse and her head began to hurt terribly. She began to hear disembodied voices calling to her as well. She heard Elaine and her parents telling her to come back to her. There was an increasingly bright white light above her too. Suddenly, Nancy gasped deeply and opened her eyes…

She looked around with her eyes, not moving her head. She recognized she was in a medical center, explaining why she ached all over.

“She’s awake!”, Elaine screamed in an elated tone. She reached down and hugged Nancy fiercely, causing a groan of pain from the girl. “Ah’m sorry sugah.”, Elaine said with tears in her eyes as she released Nancy. “Ah’m just happy yah finally came back tah us.”

 

So net result; Nancy is returned to the world of the living (or awake at least) to find out she’d been in a coma for almost half a year after being led into a villain ambush and beaten near to death.  She was still a psi, never married and never an angel of any sort.  The rest of the story went into several of the nonsense plots that I was pulled into and is so embarrassing I don’t even want to reprint the rest of the story here.

The bigger point is that even an obvious cliche this big can be done if handled with a little humor and even acknowledging you’re using the cliche.  I doubt I’d be as blatant as I was in this example.  It was completely over the top, but it was meant to be AND it was a game based story that I never had any intention of publishing, so that minimized any potential copyright issues.  Remember this is another one of those tools that should be used rarely.  You kill it’s impact otherwise.

Interview with Witchfire

This seems to be a small trend; letting characters take over the writer’s blog or doing interviews.  Given that Krystal is every bit a fiery redhead, I’m choosing to play it safe and just interview her, lol.

Warning: This will be PG-13 with some talk about sex.

 

Me: OK, Witchfire and I have already agreed to put aside the metaphysical debate about how much I may be controlling her life and how much is me watching and reporting.  This is going to be strictly about the lady in question and her trials.  So with that said, let’s start out with something easy; what was life like for you before Delta City?  

Witchfire: Overall, not too bad.  Roanoke is sort of a small town… Not quite 100,000 people.  Between that and being in the mountains of Virginia, it’s a fairly conservative place.  It was a bit awkward once my aptitude for magick started to surface.

Me: Did you get picked on alot?

Witchfire: A little…  I just knew instinctively to keep it a secret that I could sense things and do stuff.  That kind of ability tends to get noticed though on some intuitive level.  There were no “burn the witch” events, but there were a few mean girls that picked on me for being “weird” and different.

Me: So, when did all that start?

Witchfire: I first started being able to “know” things about 7 or 8.  My abilities didn’t start to truly bloom till I was 12 though.  Then weird things started happening around me at random and the bullying started.  Shortly after that, my parents moved us away from Roanoke to San Francisco.

Me: And How did that go for you?

Witchfire: OK, I suppose…  Adjusting to a bigger city was hard at first.  My parents thought I’d get less grief for being unusual in a bigger town.  Mean girls are the same everywhere though.  When I was 14, I met a group of girls that were into Wicca and I joined their coven.  Things started to get better at that point.  I felt more in control of my abilities and all the weird random stuff stopped happening around me.

Me: I’m curious.  Was there any indication that either of your parents had any magical aptitude?  We now know that some of your ability is hereditary after all.

Witchfire:  Nothing was ever said publicly but I suspect my mom was at least a little intuitive.  Overall though, they either hid everything very well, or the gift skipped a generation as sometimes happens.

Me: You mentioned in the first chapter that the mean girls were part of why you didn’t like Ms. Americana and the She-Legion at first.  Care to elaborate on that?

Witchfire: …They were mean and had a serious superior attitude. I wasn’t about to take that from girls who spent most of their time on their back.

Me:  How do you feel about them now?

Witchfire:  They’re… Growing on me.  As I see more of how the deck has been stacked against them all along, I can empathize with their plight.  I’m hoping we can win the day in the end.  Not just so I can go home either.

Me: What about a certain busty Jessica Simpson look alike?

Witchfire: You had to bring up Amazing Babe, didn’t you?  <long pause>  It’s hard.  I… love her.  We’ve struggled so much though…  Miscommunication, fights over stupid shit.  After what just happened also, I don’t…

Me: <Interrupting> No spoilers.  That hasn’t been released yet.

Witchfire:  Fine.  I didn’t want to talk about it anyway.  I… just think it’s best I stay away from her for everyone’s sake.

Me: It seems like you’ve had a pretty rough love life, with the Chinese boyfriend and all…

Witchfire:  That part sucked.  Most of it was just typical clumsy, angsty teen stuff though.  I lost my virginity at 15 to a boy from my history class.  Normal awkward first time stuff for modern kids, for better or worse.

Me: Interesting wording there at the end.  It seems out of place with the sensual witch readers have come to know.

Witchfire:  I’m a redhead and the type of fairy I’m descended from has a very passionate, sexual nature as well.  Truth?  I love sex and an intense orgasm even more than magick.  I still like to be selective in who I share my body with though.  And yes, I wish I’d waited a little longer for my first time.  I think I would have been better able to emotionally handle it.

Me: Fair enough.  So when did your interest in other girls kick in?  Was it the stereotypical other witch in your coven thing?

Witchfire:  No.  Gawd that is such a tired cliche, almost as bad as witches all being satanists instead of pagans.  Wicca may tend to attract lesbians and bisexual women like me, but we’re not all lesbians, nor are gatherings an excuse for an orgy.

Me: Fair enough.  The question did give you a chance to clear the air though.  So back to the earlier question then…

Witchfire:  I think I knew as soon as puberty started to hit that I felt drawn to other girls too.  Being from such a conservative town though, I buried that curiosity until I was 16.  Things just sort of happened at that point with a girl I’d met.  It was an amazing first experience, but her family found out.  They freaked out and did all they could to keep us apart.  They even moved away months later.

Me: This may be a bit rough to answer, but where does the infamous Chinese boyfriend fit into everything and how much can you tell the audience about him?

Witchfire: David came along right after the forced split with Amber… the girl I just mentioned.  His family had just moved into the neighborhoo.  He was tall, muscular, really cute… and caught me on the rebound.  It was fun at first.  He taught me Cantonese, helped with my Wing Chun, and shared other aspects of the culture as well as showering me with attention.

As time went on though, he became more controlling.  His parents, who tolerated me at first, grew increasingly cruel also.  I guess it was OK if I was just a passing fancy, but they didn’t want any gweilo getting her hooks into their number one son.  Things came to a head when I demanded he stand up to his parents or I’d leave him.  He told me I belonged to him and that I needed to learn my place, then… he raped me.

Me: Wow, I’m sorry.  It shows alot of strength to have bounced back from that.

Witchfire: It was that or just give up on life.  I’m a fighter.  That’s what pissed me off about Golden Qilin though.  She was a similar bad refection on a good race of people.

Me: I think folks have a pretty good idea of the events that shaped your life now.  Likewise, I assume that college was an attempt to spread your wings.  Possibly the usual college sexual explorations too…

Witchfire:  Yep.  Again, I’m pretty typical in that regard.  Not every superhero has Earth shattering events in their background.  The closest thing to any excitement was when I turned 21, I started tending bar at a local beach side place to make some spending money.  That helped me get the job inn Sanctuary, I guess.

Me: You’re still 21…  Almost 22 though, so not long at that job.

Witchfire: Long enough to learn the ropes, and have an occasional bit of fun along the way.

Me: From the smirk on your face, I doubt I’m going to get you to elaborate.  This is becoming a long interview anyway.  Hopefully the readers appreciate it though.  So, let’s move on.  I’d ask what Delta City has been like for you, but I think our readers know you’ve had a pretty rough time.  You’ve shown alot of strength and determination too.  Are you optimistic at this point about your ability to change things in Delta for the better?

Witchfire:  I think we’ve made some real progress at unmasking the conspiracy.  Between that and the upcoming time jump, I’m feeling really good about our chances.  Going back with that knowledge should help loads.  I doubt it’ll be a cakewalk.  Whoever these people are, they’re well trained, well connected and well informed.  We’ll have a good chance now though.

Me: So, you plan on changing it all thus far?

Witchfire: As much as I can.  No more She-Legion drugged into treating me like crap, and there’s no way that damned giant plant or Ivanova are getting anywhere near my vajayjay again, period.

Me: You left The Geek out.  Should I read anything into that?

Witchfire: Only that a small part of me would like a rematch so I can show him who owns who before I break his nose and take him to prison.  I doubt I could live with myself afterwards though

Me: Hmmm.  You seem pretty upset about him getting the better of you early on.

Witchfire:  What the hell do you mean by that?

Me: Well, let’s face it…  The plant had aphrodisiac spores.  Ivanova had his vampire mind and sex tricks.  How you reacted there is explainable.  The Geek is just a smart punk.  He had your number without any powers or funky spores.  Are you just mad that he beat you or is the fact he was able to push some dark buttons in you what bothers you?

Witchfire:  My submissive streak?  Is that what you’re hinting at?  Pffft.  It’s a minor kink.  Getting controlled does excite me… with the right person, but I decide who that is and if I let myself go.  He… just got lucky.  It was some kind of freak occurrence that he was able to make me cum like that!  No way in hell it could or will ever happen again either.  Period.

Me: OK, ok… point made.  Let’s move things along.  What was your best positive sexual experience in Delta City?

Witchfire: Keeping up with the kink huh?

Me: Well, it is an erotica story and you do get laid pretty regularly…  Somebody has to have really wowed you…

Witchfire:  Hmmm…  I guess that would have to be when Dani grabbed my astral form and pulled me into her body while she was having sex with Berto.  Experiencing everything she did at the same time I was feeling it from my own body too…  It was pure sexual lightning.  I was on overload.

Me: Sounds intense alright.  Is that what prompted you to grab Berto later for some play time?

Witchfire: That and the hungry looks he kept giving me.  He wanted it more than I did, and I could feel it.  It was exciting.

Me: So, would you do things differently at this point?  You did say you’d change as much as possible after all.

Witchfire: I do regret that the bet hurt Dani.  She really didn’t think he’d stray.  At the same time, she did tempt fate though.  Never make a bet you’re not prepared to lose.  I know… I sound heartless there.  Yes, I’d probably do that part differently.  I’d work on getting Dani to experience the pleasures of some girl on girl fun also.  I let her off the hook too easily last time.

Me: Any other planned conquests?

Witchfire: I really want to get Omega Woman into bed, still.  Even if it’s only once.  Every time I look at her I start getting wet and an erotic shiver runs through me.

Me: Is that it?

Witchfire: I think that’s enough for the interview anyway.  I’m worried we’re going to start blurring the lines between a powerful libido and being loose.  I admit I’m wild, but I don’t want your audience thinking I’m a total slut.

Me: OK then, feel like sticking around to answer some questions from the readers?

Witchfire: Alright, so long as it’s not more questions about who I want to get laid by.

Regrouping

I decided to nix my post on how various sources out there are manipulating the messages we receive via TV, the internet, etc…  I got a couple of likes, one intelligent comment and a whole lot of looks but nothing else.  Between that last fact and losing one follower after I published…  Well, message received.

I get it a little.  I re-read it and was frustrated that I rambled a bit and drifted between a couple of supporting points or arguments.  To do it right would require an entire series articles on the general patterns of manipulation that are used to play communication games.  Here, I’d have to leave political and social references out too.  People just don’t want to hear that the environmental movement is a great thing, BUT that they’re hurting their own cause with distorted facts.  They’re hardly the only cause like that too. News lies are always only the other side too…  *le sigh*

Soooo…  Getting back to the regrouping part…  Not only have I decided to set that stuff aside, I have been working on Witchfire’s material also.  Mainly re-reading and seeing where I’ve gone wrong, mapping the new story, discussing plot ideas and character developments with Deanna Troi and Comixfana, etc…

I’m realizing how dialog tag heavy the stories are thus far as one needed fix.  Probably some of my other erotica could use that fix also.

Deanna Troi has been insistent that I’ve been too vague in my revelations about the greater evil lurking behind the villains, so I’m working on how to change that without giving away the whole farm in chapter one. 🙂

I think I’ve been a bit inconsistent with my portrayal of Krystal / Witchfire also.  Sometimes she acts the part of a vixen, sometimes she’s come across as if she was 15 and unsure of herself and what she wants.  I think I would have gotten called on that more if so much of her behavior couldn’t be explained away by her world being turned upside down.

There will probably be a few minor “RetCon”s also as I change a few small facts here and there to fit how she’s currently envisioned and the new direction the stories will take.

The biggest lesson I’ve learn though is to follow the rules for writing about sitting down, focusing and working without distractions.  No pressure to meet artificial deadlines either.  Relax, focus, get it done and get it done right.  When it’s quality, then I’ll release it.  Stress kills my creativity faster than anything.

Lastly, just as Witchfire is going to start being truer to herself, I’m going to be doing the same.  Her stories were meant to be kinky, and it’s time I stopped worrying about if I might offend somebody.

THAT said, I will still keep ALL my stories and any related digital art off my main page.  I *do* respect that a few of you come here for the other posts, and that others just may not want to worry about a NSFW email notification.  That much is courtesy to readers and as much of an attempt as I can make within the bounds of WP’s system to keep within laws regarding risque material.

Nailed It!

I finally found the mask I wanted to add to Witchfire’s portrait.  Anyone who has read her stories will recall I put her in a Mardi Gras or Carnival type mask to hide her identity.  Now her portrait has pretty close to what I wanted, except for the ability to recolor the mask.

Witchfire Final Portrait.png

I also redid her bangs to better frame the mask, gave her darker lipstick, and figured out why I was getting an anime vie from her.  She had WAY wide open anime style eyes.  I fixed that and gave her some moderate eye shadow to make her look a bit less cartoony and more like a 21 year old woman.

Witchfire Unmasked Portrait.png

That’s about as realistic as I’m going to get her with this kind of editor, and NOW I’m happy.  😀

Witchfire Costume Round 2

NO NUDITY this time

I wasn’t in the mood to write last night, AND a friend’s reaction to Witchfire’s new costume was “Not bad for a first attempt”.  That prompted a moderate redesign of her look.  Body wise, she now has a large tribal tattoo and longer hair.  I admit, I was worried about her turning into a stereotypical anime waifu, but let’s face it, nice hair is sexy, and being in her early 20s, Witchfire IS going to be worried to a degree about looking good.

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Her hair is mean to look more flowy and a little curly (wavy) which is how I always envisioned it, even if not this long.  The tattoo…  I thought it looked cool and figured in terms of a plot device, I could say it’s a visible, magical manifestation of her Fae heritage.

Now as for the costume itself…  I have two mask options here:

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20190813070804778.png

I’m torn on this one.  The butterfly mask is a bit more mysterious and can be rationalized as representing her Fae heritage also.  The other mask feels less… busy, but it’s also kind of plain.

And here’s a look at the whole outfit.  Not much has changed beyond what you’ve seen.

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Oh and a quick look at her in some civies (street clothes) also:

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So I’m curious what everyone thinks.  Is the new look better than the first attempt?  Which mask is better or should she go without?  Does the more wavy hair work, and how about the way it frames her face now.  The “bangs” were what I struggled with most trying to get something that felt right.

Constructive but honest criticism only please. 🙂

Witchfire New Costume

I spent all last night fooling around with 3d modeling software and got a new look for Witchfire.  Most of you following the blog already know this as I also did some half and completely undressed screenshots as well.  That was SUPPOSED to go onto a separate page so that it DIDN’T go out to followers, especially those who might be offended by such images.  Leave it to WordPress to decide it knows better than me if that should be a page not a post though.  *headdesk*

All I can say there is I’m sincerely sorry folks.  I was attempting to do the opposite of what happened and then I had intended to put a link in this post so that people who were curious could look.

Anyway…  Here’s the actual new costume:

I designed it to be a tiny bit more modest than the Morrigan statue that I was using as a rough guide, but still sexy enough for adult stories.  She’s unique now and I’m happy about that much.  A few changes happened along the creation path also.  She now has bluish green eyes and her hair is significantly longer than before, going all the way to her tush.  I chose a hair style that was relatively simple though, as Krystal isn’t the type to spend all day on her hair.

In a few minutes I intend to edit in proper pages for better looks at the costume and correct my goof from a few minutes ago.  Links are as follows:

Witchfire’s New Costume  (PG rated)

Witchfire Out of Costume (NSFW, 18+ ONLY)

A Look at the Comics Book Code

A post at LuaraVent69’s blog got me thinking about the role of the entertainment media in the violent, scary state of modern life.  I advocated in a reply that maybe the media needed to dial things back just a bit.  THAT, in turn, got me thinking about the ever present conundrum of “where do we draw the line”.  People rightfully have some concerns about restrictions of any sort of rights being a gateway to a total denial of said right.  It happens all the time in totalitarian systems.

Before I wander off into a tangent though… one past option came to mind and I began wondering if it would work today.  That being the now defunct “Comic Books Code”.

Approved_by_the_Comics_Code_Authority

Now, for those who aren’t familiar with it, I’ll start with a little background.  I’m running from memory, so if I goof a fact, it’s not intentional.  The code got it’s start in the the 1950s.  1954 if I’m not mistaken.  Some grown ups were concerned that comic books were becoming an increasingly bad influence on kids.  More adult content, etc…  Back then, kids were the only buyers too.  Anyway, the outrage got to the point that the major comic publishers were worried that Congress was going to take some heavy handed actions to regulate them.  Their alternative to head this off was a self-imposed code of conduct about what would appear in comic books.

The code essentially established that comics wouldn’t have any overtly sexual material, that the good guys would always win in the end, criminals wouldn’t be glorified in any way, and that things like drug use would be avoided also.  Gory violence was to be avoided, etc…   Well, heck, here’s the whole code for those who are interested:

The Comics Code of 1954

Some of it gets a bit silly, like the prohibition against vampires and werewolves.  ANYWAY… the code was enforced by a review board called the “Comics Code Authority”.  The whole thing came crashing down when rebellious comics writers wanted to do stories related to the drug trade.  They planned on portraying the effects of drugs in a negative manner, etc… but that didn’t matter to the Authority.  Net result; one by one the publishers pulled out and did their own thing.  If I recall correctly it started with a story Marvel wanted to run in Spider-Man comics but I might be wrong.

NOW, everything but hardcore porn seems to go in comic books.  How much of that is a good thing is open for a bit of debate.  For example, we wouldn’t have Power Girl’s massive mammaries if the code was still in effect.  Boys and lesbians love them, some women scream objectification and unrealistic body standards.

OK, let’s state the obvious…  Some of the code is silly in the modern world:

Policemen, judges, Government officials and respected institutions shall never be presented in such a way as to create disrespect for established authority

Really??  Is there a single reader out there that thinks all government officials are above reproach?

But in terms of some of the rest of it… Are we really in a better place in the world for books, films and TV shows that do glorify crime and criminals?  Is excessive gore in movies REALLY anything more than a crutch for poor story telling?  Alfred Hitchcock is considered a master of suspense and early horror, but never had to show anyone getting mutilated.  Is all the violence and glorification of gunplay as a way to resolve the plot really necessary?  Yes, I could by a hypocrite and ask the same questions about sex scenes also.

My personal opinion here?  Going back to something as restrictive as the Code probably isn’t a real answer.  Maybe taking a voluntary step back in that general direction wouldn’t hurt though.  There’s something wrong when a show like Breaking Bad that glorifies a man selling meth and ruining peoples’ lives, is a huge hit.  Before anyone argues that with me, they should google up pictures of what meth does to people.

methface

That’s what the poison Walter White was selling to people did.

Would the alternative work?  Just look at the original Star Wars trilogy.

Maybe if we quit glorifying all the darkest elements of society, we’ll get less of them in real life.

 

200!

Yep, despite my off and on posting, and wandering all over the place topics wise…

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Miracles happen, LOL.

I’m grateful for everyone that has decided to follow me also.  Thank you all. 🙂

Related to all of this, I have been reflecting on the blog and my writing since getting back from Hawai’i.  Aside from the lessons I’ve mentioned in past posts, I’ve realized that I need to get my life better organized.  I also need to re-focus on my actual writing instead of dancing around it like I have been the last few months.

Being in Hawai’i and having life on hold for a week, and then coming home, I realized just how spread thin I’ve felt (hell, actually been).  Worse, it’s led to a sort of analysis paralysis.  Trying to juggle priorities and adapt to a steady stream of changes has resulted in me just outright shutting down at times.  That, of course, only makes things worse, because it allows things to backlog even further.  If I’m going to regain control of my life and work on my writing, the pattern needs to change.

Dancing around my writing…  That, I believe, is a combination of time issues and some lingering doubts about writing erotica.  Instead of actually doing writing, I’m writing about everything else.

Granted, I also don’t want to blog work that I can potentially publish and sell.  I can write about writing rules, philosophy and strategy as well as come up with stories that are “Fan Fiction” or such and therefore can’t be published for profit without a licensing agreement.  Nothing wrong with other material also, so long as it’s not the bulk of my writing here.  It’s all about balance.  A writing blog has to be about writing though.

 

Realizations on Writing

I teased this a couple of posts ago, and I suppose its time to pay it off.  I’m not getting any sleep tonight either with a pack of teenage hooligans roaming the neighborhood on foot for since 1:30am

So long story short, I’ve spent my down time trying to figure out why I was feeling so frustrated, (and thus burnt out) with my writing before my long break.  I came to a couple of conclusions:  I wasn’t writing for me, I was overly concerned about offending people, and I’m still trying to find my exact niche on writing.

The not writing for me thing is ironic, since during my time on twitter, I was constantly encouraging people and telling them that if THEY don’t enjoy what they’re writing, it will show through in their writing and it won’t be their best work.  I’ve studied public speaking and communication, and let myself get too wrapped up in the admonitions to tailor your communication to your audience.  That’s fine if you have a specific audience you’re reaching out to.  When you’re trying to write something that will appeal to wider demographics though, you have to set those admonitions aside to a degree and be true to yourself.  Otherwise your writing or words won’t be genuine.  People pick up on that too, at least on a subconscious level.

Twitter was a horrible experience for me in terms of creating that worry about offending people.  Despite all the talk about how great the writing community is, I saw alot of clique behavior.  Erotica authors aren’t real writers.  If you do this in your erotica (such as mentioning bra sizes), you’re a crappy writer and I won’t read you, etc…

The main gaggle of female erotica authors would even ghost you if you didn’t support their beliefs that women shouldn’t be held to any conduct, dress, etc… standards and similar extreme SJW ideas.  heaven help you if you supported a male erotica author also.  Kind of sad really.

I could (and maybe will do) a whole separate post on my thoughts there.  It does impact my writing after all.  LONG story short however, suffice it to say I do believe in women’s sexual empowerment, but I also believe in common sense limits on everything.  Wear a short, tight dress and flaunt what you’ve got for example.  Just don’t get mad if you’re dressing sexy and guys (or other women) flirt with you or check you out.  You have EVERY right to be completely safe dressed like that.  No should always mean no as well.  How you dress does nothing to change that.  Getting bitchy when you get harmless attention when you’re dressing to get attention is immature at best though.

As much as I love sex and sensuality, I also believe some things belong behind closed doors.  That’s another thing that seems to set me apart at least from some of the younger erotica authors.  I’m libertarian enough to believe anything kinky you want to do behind closed doors is fine.  Common decency and general self respect dictate some things should stay private, not flaunted in public though.  Bottom line, I’ve learned to stop caring what the twitter crowd thinks.  Shame since Twitter could be a good marketing tool.

Then there’s the whole finding my niche thing.  My Witchfire stories have been an attempt to see if I could combine superheroes and erotica in a real way.  The trouble with that specific genre is that the internet is loaded with sites catering to pubescent boys and outright misogynists, that glorify raping superheroines and “putting them in their place”.   They completely dehumanize woman, and mock strong, capable women.  That’s the last thing I want to contribute to.

At the same time, you have women fighting the worst elements of humanity in these stories, so there’s a question realism with never having it happen.  My original thinking was to keep it rare, not glorify it, and also have the heroine(s) escape / turn the tables, or at least get back at their attackers later.  Avoiding it entirely would be easy if I was only writing a sexy story.  I have been trying to spin a real, ongoing story between the sex scenes though.  Intrigue, personality conflicts, human problems, etc…

Part of the problem with Witchfire was that I was rushing the content also.  I think it made the story chapters far more sloppy than they should have been, and took a few aspects of the stories in directions I didn’t intend to go also.  If I pick up work there again, I’m likely to start over from scratch and treat the existing content thus far as rough drafts.

I admit, I’ve also felt dirty at times writing erotica.  My sexy, passionate side is balanced by a fairly strong religious and spiritual side as well.  To thine own self be true however.  I can’t pretend the sexy side doesn’t exist.  I have a real talent for smut also, lol.  I know ultimately I’d like to evolve into more of a mainstream fiction writer who includes some very racy scenes.  Yes, the unicorn known as porn with a plot for you cynical people, LOL.  Getting there means accepting all of me though, and seeing what that allows me to grow into.

And there you have it.  My continuing path to self-realization thus far as a would be author.